“Why the hell is almost every guy on the planet so fucking shit at it?” – For the exact same reason girls can’t wank a cock to save their lives. As a rule of thumb for both sexes, if you don’t own the equipment you’re dealing with, keep your hands the hell away from it and either stick your gob or your genitals on it instead. Otherwise you may invalidate the warranty.
Quite possibly the greates blog post I have ever read.
“Why the hell is almost every guy on the planet so fucking shit at it?” – For the exact same reason girls can’t wank a cock to save their lives. As a rule of thumb for both sexes, if you don’t own the equipment you’re dealing with, keep your hands the hell away from it and either stick your gob or your genitals on it instead. Otherwise you may invalidate the warranty.
u r awesome
Bit of natural yoghurt on the tongue should sort that out! Very good
Yawn. This is post is predictable and lazy, not to mention vaguely homophobic.
So, this was ages ago, but it's also one of the funniest and best blog posts I've ever read. Nice one.
I am tired of all the economic negative news. I think the reason the economy sounds bad has less to do with an actual recession than media sensationalism and doomsday pessimism. Everyone was in a panic in 2008 because the price of oil was rising, but the sky did not fall. I don’t think the media should lie about a high unemployment rate, but I would like to hear more positive news stories.http://www.usnews.com/money/blogs/alpha-consumer/2009/1/8/did-the-media-cause-the-recession.htmlI did some research and found that there is plenty of good news out there:The recession officially ended in June 2009:http://money.cnn.com/2010/09/20/news/economy/recession_over/?section=money_latestThe unemployment rate is falling:http://www.greenbaypressgazette.com/article/20110402/GPG0101/104020692/U-S-unemployment-rate-falls-2-year-low?odyssey=tab%7Ctopnews%7Ctext%7CGPG-NewsThe stock market has risen 53% recently and is still cheap:http://www3.signonsandiego.com/stories/2009/oct/15/cautious-optimism/?uniontribWells Fargo, Apple, Ford, SkyWest, Adidas, Men’s Wearhouse, Kroger’s, General Mills, AutoZone, CarMax, Walgreen, Dell, Disney, and Discover are some of the many respected companies to have declared profits recently:http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601100&sid=az6fjhaa_gsghttp://www.usatoday.com/travel/flights/2009-11-05-skywest-q3-profit_n.htmhttp://www.sanluisobispo.com/topnews/story/906588.htmlhttp://blog.seattlepi.com/microsoft/archives/182538.asp?from=blog_last3http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-earns22-2009oct22,0,1394503.storyhttp://www.businessweek.com/news/2010-06-10/men-s-wearhouse-surges-most-since-09-as-profit-rises-update2-.htmlhttp://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/15/business/15kroger.html?src=buslnhttp://www.bloomberg.com/news/2010-09-22/general-mills-first-quarter-profit-rises-12-on-sales-of-cereals-snacks.htmlhttp://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/09/21/AR2010092101256.htmlhttp://www.fayobserver.com/articles/2010/09/22/1033100?sac=Bushttp://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/29/business/29walgreen.htmlhttp://www.bloomberg.com/news/2011-02-15/dell-reports-profit-that-tops-estimates-on-business-pc-demand.htmlhttp://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=%2Fg%2Fa%2F2011%2F02%2F08%2Fbloomberg1376-LG9TY20D9L3501-0G67SN2ECLJ7PKT7EQBGOISSMQ.DTLhttp://www.bloomberg.com/news/2011-03-22/discover-beats-estimates-on-declining-defaults-boosts-payout-shares-gain.htmlUS housing starts have increased:http://blog.al.com/breaking/2009/10/us_housing_starts_rise.htmlBusiness confidence has risen:http://www.bostonherald.com/business/general/view.bg?articleid=1203965&srvc=rssFactory orders have increased:http://www.telegram.com/article/20110203/NEWS/110209884/1002/businesConsumer confidence has risen:http://money.cnn.com/2010/08/31/news/economy/consumer_confidence/index.htm?section=money_latestConsumer spending is up:http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE65M2WK20100628?loomia_ow=t0:s0:a49:g43:r5:c0.051546:b35270006:z0The US GDP rose 3.1%:http://finance.yahoo.com/news/Stocks-rise-on-Oracle-apf-2813128403.html?x=0North Dakota has an unemployment rate of 3.7%. South Dakota and Nebraska have unemployment rates of less than 5%. Singapore has an unemployment rate of just 2.2%. Unemployed people who move to these places can find work in agriculture, oil fields, schools, and hospitals. These newcomers will need to buy homes, food, and services creating more jobs. If you don’t have a job, move to an area with a better economy. If you can’t sell your house at the price you want, you shouldn’t have paid so much for it. If you don't want to move and make trade-offs, I guess that you aren't that desperate for work.http://www.bls.gov/lau/http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703803904576152630710927512.htmlhttp://www.jamestownsun.com/event/article/id/81609/http://www.economist.com/node/18488276?story_id=18488276The United States will face a labor SHORTAGE in the next few years as millions of baby boomers retire. There are 76 million baby boomers, but Generation X only has 46 million people.http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/nationworld/2002185894_boomers21.htmlhttp://www.argusleader.com/article/20091107/business/911070331/1001/newsIf you really want to stay where you are and haven’t found a job, think of a way to make money from your hobbies. Find a need and fill it. Do you like to cook? Are you good at fixing things? Do you like to paint? Optimists make more money and I strongly believe that if you do what you love, the money will follow. Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve. Just because someone says there is a recession, doesn’t make it true. Just because most people used to believe the world was flat, did that make it true? If you are feeling negative, I highly recommend the book “You Can Have it All”:http://www.librarything.com/work/508754http://www.entrepreneur.com/management/managementcolumnistscotthalford/article207648.htmlYou might also feel less sorry for yourself or the economy if put your life in perspective. Would you rather live in Zimbabwe where the GDP per capita income is $200 per YEAR?https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/rankorder/2004rank.htmlEven if things are really bad for you and you become homeless, there is a safety net of food banks, shelters, general relief, and food stamps. You could join a commune or a monastary.America needs a good pep talk instead of negativity. I really think Obama would be more helpful to the economy by talking about the positive sides instead of pushing expensive stimulus programs. People should live within their means to avoid crashing the economy, but even when overextended, the United States has managed to pay the massive debts of the Depression and WWII.http://zfacts.com/p/318.htmlAmericans need to think more like immigrants. Politicians are too afraid to say it, but Americans should stop whining, get up, take responsibility, lower their standards, bite their lips, tough it out, and get busy. Americans should stop buying SUV’s and McMansions they can’t afford and pay off their debts. I have no sympathy for the sheep who went in debt to buy expensive restaurant meals, clothes, vacations, cars, and overpriced homes when times were good instead of saving for a rainy day. Buy LOW and sell HIGH. If people had put their money in the bank instead of wasting it they would still have it. The United States is capitalist not Communist. There is social Darwinism and survival of the fittest here. If Americans want a handout, they should move to Sweden. I have seen refugees from places like Vietnam immigrate to the US with NOTHING and own houses and cars five years later, while some lazy Americans who haved lived in public housing and on welfare for GENERATIONS complain about how poor they are. Why can a third world immigrant who doesn’t speak English make more money in five years than some Americans who have lived in the US their entire life?http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2010/09/27/financial/f063017D17.DTL&ao=allhttp://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704895004575395491314812452.htmlThe negative thinking about “tough times” and the supposedly “decline of the US” kills me. The USA is by far the richest and most powerful country in the world. Who invented the assembly line, telephones, movies, light bulbs, airplanes, air conditioning, elevators, skyscapers, television, the atomic bomb, the pill, calculators, microwaves, lasers, the Internet, mobile phones, the space shuttle, and landed on the moon? What country wins the most medals at the Olympics despite having only 5% of the world’s population? If the United States is dying, why do so many people wa
nt to immigrate there?http://www.statemaster.com/encyclopedia/List-of-United-States-inventionshttp://englishrussia.com/index.php/2010/02/14/russian-or-not-russian/http://sports.espn.go.com/oly/summer08/medalsI think the best years of the United States are ahead of us, not behind us. I would be shocked if the USA won’t be the first country to put a person on Mars, invent mass-produced hydrogen and solar cars, and cure cancer. Americans who worry about the future are ignoring the facts and aren’t doing anyone any favors.While I am not blind to the difficulties that may exist in the present economy, I just think people should be more optimistic and look at the good sides. I remember when I was in middle school in the mid 1980’s and had a teacher who asked my classmates whether the USA was on the way to the peak of power, at the peak, or on the way down. I was the only student who said the US hasn’t reached the peak yet. A few years later the Soviet Union collapsed, the Japanese economy crashed, and America was the only superpower. I am not sure if there is a recession, but if there is one, I think it will be over soon.http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/05/opinion/05douthat.html?_r=1 —————————Remember: Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right.