Lonely Sluts Personals: Vol 1

Here’s a collection of the first week of Slutever’s new Lonely Sluts Personals ads—connecting kinky sluts the world over. Unite!

Before Tinder, Bumble, Seeking Arrangement, Craigslist Personals and whatever the online dating equivalent of MySpace was, there were newspaper personals. Well, Slutever is resurrecting the personal ad with Lonely Sluts Personals (check our Instagram!).

Whether you’re kinky, vanilla, lonely, poly, a dom, a sub, both, neither, looking for love or lust in the form of a unicorn, monogamy, someone to tie you up, someone who’ll let you worship their feet, a sugar daddy, a leather daddy, a friend with benefits…. we want to help you find your soulmate. Or the top to your bottom. Or a great one night stand. Or, if nothing else, a good story.


Location: Kansas City, Missouri
Age: Your Dad
Hard-wired slut with an unquenchable oral fixation, cleverly disguised as schlubby middle-class sitcom father. You are a fearless female connoisseur of messy orgasms and an Olympic-class face-rider. Neophytes acceptable.


Location: Brooklyn, New York
Age: 23 & old for my age
Your local giant-woman seeks a man with strong hands and stronger sense of humor. Boss-lady in the streets, sub in the sheets. Loud and enthusiastic in both. Alternatively, we can talk about indoor plants over a hemp milk latte in Ditmas Park.


Location: Scandinavia
Age: 18
I probably remind you of your grandmother only I have the hair and bosom of an 18-year-old Scandinavian teenager. I enjoy day-dreaming, feminism, promiscuity and literature. I need someone to get obsessed with.


Location: Greater Toronto Area, Canada
Age: Early Twenties
poly/bi/transgirl who likes bubble baths for two or hotel rooms for twelve. Red hair, blue eyes, red ass, blue neck, if you get my drift. Let’s be friends?


Location: New York, New York
Age: Early Twenties
Non-monogamous, gorgeous, partially-discovered genius seeks well-moneyed older man to spoil her financially and defile her sexually (on a case-by-case basis). No misers or misogynists, big cock a plus.


Location: Minneapolis/Soon Boulder, Colorado
Age: 22
Soon-to-be grad student and sub looking for LOVE (and a dom). Eastern Euro who loves short skirts, blonde and tall w/ pierced nipples and a serious love for Jane Eyre and George Eliot. You have to want to listen to me read out loud to you after you spank me for hours.


Location: London, United Kingdom
Age: Old enough to not know better
(Not very dominant) sadist seeks female-bodied friend for fun and frolics. Also potential handholding and duck feeding (not a euphemism). Communist, poly and curiously accented. Also excellent with mothers, pets and small children.


Location: Toronto, Canada
Age: Early Twenties
Inexperienced sub. Kinky guy. Michael Cera lookalike. Too young for my dad bod to be an asset.


Location: Saskatoon, Canada (will travel)
Age: Mid Twenties
Fun & flirty bisexual unicorn seeking MMF threesome with queer open minded dudes. Must be willing to let me read you your star chart before meeting up. Gemini sun, Cancer moon, Sagittarius rising.


Location: Philly/New York
Age: Mid Twenties
Witty Jewess with the looks of Natasha Lyonne and the neurosis of Larry David ISO daddy dom in the sheets, sensitive diy musician on the streets. Let’s dom/sub then gig/chill.


Location: Calgary, Canada
Age: Early Twenties
Polyamorous bisexual femme vixen into latex, glitter, and ropes. Looking for a wealthy and experienced person to dom. Must worship and buy me things.

Please send submissions and responses to imalonelyslut@gmail.com :) We will not share your personal info. Instead, we will forward all replies to your ad back to you, and you can decide whether to reply to your admirers or not :) Don’t be shy!



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