Pee Smoothies

Don’t you hate it when you’re peeing into a guy’s mouth and he starts puking? GOD, fucking amateurs.

Yesterday Mistress Dee and I were peeing on a guy, as per usual. Dee has been giving golden showers for years now and is famous within the scene for being able to piss for over two minutes straight. (She can control it so it comes out at a steady, medium-to-light flow.) But yesterday she had to go really bad, so she asked me to time her on her iPhone while she pissed into the sub’s mouth, to see if she could break her record of 2 minutes and 20 seconds. So the guy laid on his back on the floor and Dee stood over his face and pissed for a solid (I kid you not) 2 minutes and 59 seconds. It was INSANE. And the guy drank nearly every drop of it. He just opened up his throat and was straight-up chugging her piss. It was pretty amazing to watch.

Then it was my turn. I knew my performance was going to pale in comparison to Mistress Dee’s, but by that time the guy was already burping up gross piss burps and complaining of being “full” (eww) so I figured it didn’t matter too much. Plus, I recently learned this new trick where I can keep one foot on the ground for balance, and put my other foot on the sub’s throat so that I can literally choke him while pissing into his face, so at least I had that little gem to offer. (That doesn’t sound like it would be hard but it actually is–you try pissing while balancing on one foot.) So anyway, I started doing my thing and a few seconds into it the guy started vomiting! Lying on his back, vomiting up mouthfuls of pee and then swallowing the regurgitated urine again because he didn’t want to waste any of it. I was like “Uggghghh dude, get yourself together actually.” It was kind of gross. Then I made a joke about how if he was too full to drink my pee now that I could bottle it up and he could have it as a snack later–maybe even mix it with a banana or something and have a pee smoothie. And then Mistress Dee shouted, “Oh my god, pee smoothie! That’s genius!” and I was like “What do you mean?” and she was like “We should make pee smoothies and sell them for $100,” and I was like “Wow, that is a great idea, you are so smart for thinking of that!” and she was like “Thanks, you are so smart too!” and then we laughed in slow motion.

So… this summer Dee and I will be selling smoothies with our combined urine and two fruits of your choice for $100. Order in advance and then come over and get a fresh glass! Email to order. No time wasters.


Photo by Nobuyoshi Araki



21 Replies to “Pee Smoothies”

  1. what’s the going rate for a cup of piss? I found a craigslist buyer who very quickly agreed to $50 a cup and now I’m worried that I may have missed a chance to make far more money.

  2. For some reason my first thought was, ‘I wonder which fruits would go with pee?’

    Pineapple seems like a good bet.

  3. I am a submissive and i have never been peed on but it is one of those things that i would love to be forced to do by a domme. I think a woman squatting and peeing on you is just about the ultimate type of submission.

  4. I am sorry to say this, I mostly enjoy your blog and your writing but this is getting kind of disgusting…and I don’t think any irony or wit can reverse that. I know the point of this blog is to show that everything in sex is ok as long as it is consensual, but I’m frightened that in the end is showing the exact opposite: that in intimacy, even if it’s not cool or cutting edge, there are, and there should be, boundaries others than free will (and is there free will after all? A men enslaved to his frustration to the point that is paying to puke for drinking urine is really free?).
    Maybe I am projecting, but I think you are aknowledging it too. I think you’re a good writer, and I think your talent isn’t necessarily to be feed with increasingly revolting experiences to be productive.

    1. It would be interesting to hear what kind of boundaries you’re thinking of. No offence, but this sounds like the typical religion-infested moral post when you don’t give us examples on what kind of standards one should rely when it comes to whether or not perfoming a certain act of sexuality. At least in your opinion of course.

      1. I can’t give you any example or standards, because I am not a moralist or a religious officer. This is exactly the point, I think that there are no code o dogmas in sexuality. Reading this blog I came to realize that also “everything is ok”, in the end, is a dogma, and doesn’t always work well, like every dogma. I think that everyone should find where their boundaries are, and I also feel that embracing the “everything-is-ok-as-long-as-it’s-consensual” dogma, renouncing to think with our own mind if what were doing is truly right for us, can cause bad consequences: like a guy puking under our foot.

  5. yea, like pee is free and everything. we can drink it everyday, all day if we want. there’s no need to puke over it.

  6. haha this reminds me of when danger aron it was winter and he made a snow cone, pissed on it and ate it..

  7. I am laughing in slow motion at the grotesque nature of this blog… the fact that it was written… and the relative amount of win in the comments.

  8. good work i’d very much like you and your freind to piss all over me,would i be able to stuff my cock in your ass and piss inside you?

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