Rants, Feelings & Opinions

A Fetish Party Veteran Explains What Makes an Ideal Fet Party

July 26, 2018

Looking back on her formative experiences going to fetish parties in NYC, and preparing to host her own for the first time, Amanda Lang talks about what makes an ideal fet party.

Next week will be my first time co-hosting a fetish party and I’m trying to figure out how best to plan out the orgy. I’ve been in a handful of orgies in the past and there was decidedly nothing planned out about any of them, but in the interest of making sure my fellow fetishists enjoy themselves in a safe and healthy environment, I figure there are certain preparations I should make.

I have not been given much time to prepare for this party. Some background: It was only last week that I attended a fetish party in Tribeca hosted by a woman I met on Tinder. It was on the smaller side in comparison to the parties I’ve attended in the past but I hit it off with all of the women I met there, and subsequently went home with their phone numbers – which I consider a success. Tinder girl proceeded to pass along my number to one of the male attendees, her co-host  – whose apartment was, it turns out, the party’s setting. He wrote to me to ask if I would co-host the next one alongside him. And, although I was 75% sure that this invitation was at least partly just an excuse to bang, I was absolutely thrilled.

In preparation, I have found myself reminiscing on some of my first experiences within the New York kink party scene in the hopes that they may offer a guideline to my own party planning.

I attended my first fetish party only a year and half ago at the now defunct Iron Bell Academy (which after a bit of research appears to have been shut down due to a group of moms who were pissed that the space was located above their kid’s dance studio). Iron Bell Academy, then located in Queens, was a full scale S&M dungeon which featured cages, suspension ropes, St Andrew’s crosses, and, of course, every kind of whip and chain your skin can handle. At that point I was fairly new to the world of fetish, and so I opted to start small by taking off all my clothes and dancing nude in a suspended cage with my best friend while the rest of the patrons showed up.

As nervous as I was, it helped that I was with two of my closest friends, one of whom has been active in the Fetish community for some time and ostensibly knows what he’s doing.

I’ve always been naturally dominant but, since I was new to the scene, I decided to take on a more passive, submissive role this first night. That being said, I did of course keep my two friends naked and on leashes while I walked around meeting people. I mean, I had to exercise my natural dominance at some point!

It was at this party that I met my first group of lifestyle party friends – who became my main introduction to the sadistic and sexy world that is the NYC kink party scene. At that point there were around seven of them, though the group has expanded exponentially since then. The ringleader, Ruby*, a midwife by day and dominatrix by night, whipped me within an inch of my life while I was strung up on a St Andrew’s cross. Before this, I had thought that my pain tolerance was high. Turns out my Dom friend just didn’t go all that hard with his bullwhip.

Eyes Wide Shut (1999)

In my experience, the private kink parties are always vastly preferable to the public ones. In private you can pretty much do whatever you want as long as it is safe, comfortable and consensual. Whereas in public, there are rules to follow that are mostly made by the host space. And following those rules is absolutely essential as nearly anyone with cash is allowed to attend those things. Trust me, when you are naked and tied up, you want to know who is going to be holding the whip.

The first kink party hosted by Ruby and her friends kicked off with a wishbone dildo that two men had to fight over using only the strength of their ass-cheeks, and also featured a saran-wrapped girl whom we wrote all over using magic marker. It was at this event that I experienced my first orgy.

There were around eight or so people involved and to this day it is probably one of the most erotic experiences I have ever had. I had come to this particular party with my boyfriend/slave at the time, and at that point he had been locked in chastity for several months. During the orgy, he went down on me while I jerked someone else off who in turn was touching my tits. It’s an extremely powerful thing, especially being a very feminine woman of small stature, to feel these powerful masculine men wanting nothing more than to please you. Like having a panther on a leash. It was made even better by the sight of my friend next to me having the same sort of adoration and submission afforded her.

With all of these phenomenal and life changing experiences in mind, I realize that the anxiety of planning my own fetish party doesn’t necessarily come from the responsibility of sourcing the right materials or setting up the space. Rather, it comes from knowing that this event will be comprised of a group of people whom I am less familiar with. The main detail that goes into making a successful fetish party is the degree of trust you have in those you choose to invite.

As comfortable as I felt with Ruby and the group of people I had gotten to know, I also realize the importance of branching out and passing on the knowledge that they once gave to me. Although finding the sexiest leather harnesses and the right variety of condoms is on my to-do list, my main concern is creating a space that feels safe and comfortable. And hopefully one that will serve as an introduction between some new and more timid players and the leather-clad mistress who will become their trusted mentor going forward.

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