For a while now I’ve been somewhat obsessed with the idea of entering a three-way relationship. Not a threesome, mind you—this is more than just sex. I’m talking about an intimate, functioning relationship occurring between three people. Let’s face it… sex has gotten boring. This is the only logical next step.
I’m not sure what it is exactly that attracts me to three-way love affairs. It probably has something to do with the way they’re portrayed in literature and film—so passionate and explosive. So painfully sexy. And yeah, I realize these portrayals normally end horribly, with lovers committing suicide or becoming junkies or whatever, but I’m quite into that. I’ve always been attracted to the idea of destructive relationships (and destructive people, for that matter), and to be honest I’m not totally averse to entering a relationship that could potentially ruin my life. I mean, why not, right?
This obsession isn’t anything new. It started in high school, when for a while I became vaguely addicted to pleasuring myself to the threesome scene in Y Tu Mamá También. For years I’ve read every book I can find referencing triad love affairs—Les Enfants Terribles, Story of the Eye, etc. My favorite movie of all time is The Dreamers, in which a pair of French twins (brother and sister) form a perverse, three-way relationship with a young American boy. Oh god, it’s just so beautifully wrong, it drives me crazy. To this day I sit alone in my room watching it over and over, desperately wishing my life in some way resembled the beauty of their illicit liaison. And I mean yeah, I’ve had threesomes before, but they weren’t the same. They were drunken and silly and mostly disappointing. There was no, how do I say it… love involved (as cheesy as that sounds). This only furthered my obsession.
For the past three months I’ve been having a reoccurring dream where I’m in a relationship like this. In my dream, myself, a girl who looks like a boy and a boy who looks like a girl are all lying on a bed, cuddled together for warmth. We start kissing and slowly undress each other. We fuck. It’s weird and slow and slightly awkward, but in a nice way. And when it’s over we all fall asleep in a heap on the bed. We barely ever leave the house. We bathe together. We eat together. We chew each others food (this is a bit gross but it’s a dream so whatever). We even pee together (and sometimes on each other???). It’s… perfect.
The problem now is finding the right people with which to embark on this ménage à trois. I don’t mind if it’s two boys, or a boy and a girl—I’m not picky. It just has to, you know, fit. The dynamic between the trinity has to be the perfect amount of extreme, fiery and fucked-up. Not in a petty, superficial way, but in the way that everyone involved is so lost and exposed and beautifully weak, that it can’t help but be disastrous. I realize it’s going to be difficult to find these people—people who don’t care about feeling unsafe or insecure—but as of now I’m on the hunt. (Or, alternatively, if anyone is in a relationship and they just want to, you know, add me in, I’m down with that too.)
Normal relationships are so boring—so cliché. I want to be so desperately obsessed and in need of someone that it destroys me. I want to take romance to the next level, mix things up a bit, fuck with my emotions. I’m tired of the same old insipid, predictable sex. I want to feel something new.
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i have three friends who live this…3 boys..one king sized bed, and a rotation system as to who sleeps in the middle… they fascinate me as i am a crazy jealous person but they seem perfectly happy and it works…
Tilda Swinton is in a polyamorous relationship with an older and younger man, has kids too. Sounds terribly functional, though.
yeah, damn, that final paragraph.