Rants, Feelings & Opinions

Prom Stories

April 25, 2012

photo by William Eggleston /

To my first prom, my junior prom, I brought a freshman. It was a last minute thing, as I didn’t have a date and didn’t want to go on my own, for obvious reasons. The freshman, Sam, was in my art class, and we were going to prom “just as friends”, although I still kind of wanted to fuck him. Why not?, I thought. He wasn’t that cute but he was really funny, and I liked the way his bony chest looked through his thin white T-shirts. I imagined he was probably a virgin because he was only fifteen. Maybe even fourteen. Fourteen would be better, I thought.

About twenty minutes after arriving at prom, after the cheesy photoshoot, Sam asked me if I minded if he danced with another girl—a girl called Annie who was in his class, who had come as the date of some gay musical theatre guy. I said I didn’t mind even though I kind of did. As I watched them slow dance and make out, I wondered if they had planned this whole thing—if he had agreed to come with me because he knew she would be there.

Even though he made out with Annie most of the night, he still came to my friend’s after prom party with me, because he felt obligated. I did not feel guilty for dragging him away from Annie to the party with me against his will, although the whole thing did seem mildly pathetic. When we got there I kept making him shots, trying to get him drunk enough that he would want to have sex with me. At one point he said, “Are you trying to get me drunk so that I’ll have sex with you?” I shrugged, like, maybe. Soon after that his mom picked him up.

A few months later, when we came back to school after summer break, Sam and Annie were officially dating. He lost his virginity to me while they were together. After we fucked, lying in his single bed, he told me that he really loved Annie and respected that she wanted to wait, but that he wanted to have sex with me for practice first, so that when Annie was finally ready he would be, “ya know, like, good at it… or at least not bad at it.” I said that was very thoughtful of him. We continued fucking for the next few months. Mainly in my car, or sometimes in his shower, if his parents were at work. By the end he was pretty good at it. My mom saw Sam in the grocery store recently and told me that he was in medical school.

For my senior prom I didn’t have a date, either. Although this time I cared less because a few of my girlfriends were going solo too, so we planned to just all go together because, ya know “boys suck, we don’t need them, we’re feminists, blah blah whatever.” On the evening of the prom I was feeling super teen-angsty and bad about myself. I had recently dyed my hair dark brown in an attempt to look “exotic”, but accidentally just ended up looking, paradoxically, like tan goth. Also, there had been an eyeliner disaster or two while getting ready, which resulted in some tears and subsequent puffy eyes.

As a joke, one of the popular jock boys in my grade came to prom with a fat blow up doll as his date. Everyone thought that was really funny. “Ha ha, Aaron brought a fat blow up doll in a dress to prom, that’s so funny,” etc. My recent ex-boyfriend was there with his new girlfriend. They both worked at McDonalds. As I sat drinking non-alcoholic punch I wondered if they had been fucking while we were together, in a storage closet at McDonalds during their breaks, or up against a refrigerator full of frozen hamburgers or something. It made me feel nauseous to think about it, although I had also cheated on him multiple times, to be fair. I went to the bathroom and drunk a bottle of cough syrup with my friend Amber.

At an after party Aaron wrote my name on the forehead of his fat blow up doll, held it up and shouted, “Karley, it’s feeding time at the zoo!” Everyone thought that was really funny, too. I wasn’t even fat, although I did have quite large, muscular thighs. I was an athlete. Aaron has yet to leave the small town we grew up in.



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  • Reply sebastian April 25, 2012 at 4:27 am

    Well, you are certainly a beautiful woman now. And I suspect you were back then, too. Teenage boys are known for many things, but emotional intelligence is not one of them. On behalf of all teenage boys, past or present, I apologize.

    • Reply karleyslutever April 25, 2012 at 4:29 am

      Teenage boys are so teenage boy-ish! Horrible proms are good though, because they made good stories later in life.

      • Reply Christie April 25, 2012 at 11:17 am

        I feel bad for skipping my prom now :(

        I also hid in my closet for the last three months of school (my mom works from home) and skipped graduation. I think I may have missed out on so many stories + the emotional high that all my friends allegedly experienced… oh well

        • Reply j May 3, 2012 at 8:55 am

          i did the same stupid thing, call me :P

  • Reply RW April 25, 2012 at 5:23 am

    I missed your stories! They’re so raw and amazing. Love you, Karley.

  • Reply Alex April 25, 2012 at 11:28 am

    You should write a novel

  • Reply LOLLY GAGGER April 25, 2012 at 11:39 am

    you SHOULD write a novel. ^ what Alex said ^
    i love it when you write like this.

    those pictures are nightmarish (to me)

  • Reply a April 25, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    Fo really? Karley we love you, you’re like the grown up and sexier for it version of lena dunham’s Girls except your a blog, with multimedia and you were around first. Oh well forget the comparison, but yeah you’re on a different plane. Do you plan on commenting the show? Wed love to hear your feedback and post-girls irony? Love, Aimee

    • Reply LOLLY GAGGER April 25, 2012 at 8:38 pm

      she interviewed her before already (i think)

  • Reply one April 25, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    you know how tell a good story, karley!

  • Reply Daniel April 25, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    What sport(s) did you play in high school? Good stuff!

    • Reply karleyslutever April 25, 2012 at 8:07 pm

      Basketball and soccer. lol!

      • Reply LOLLY GAGGER April 25, 2012 at 8:39 pm

        i was a cheerleader. no one thinks that is an athlete but we did flips and gymnastics and shit. so that is fucking sport goddammit ;)~

  • Reply Jordan April 26, 2012 at 7:23 pm

    Karley, I love your blog but there’s one thing you keep doing that makes you seem way less profesh.
    Read over your stuff! Over the past few months there have been at least 4 or 5 posts where there are clear spelling errors. As soon as you read it, it jumps right out at you and makes the whole sentence awkward.
    (In the above post, it’s “Mainly in my car, or sometimes in his shower, if he parents were at work.)

    • Reply karleyslutever April 26, 2012 at 7:32 pm

      Thanks, changed it!

      And I do read over my stuff, obviously. However sometimes the eye just misses things, especially within text you’ve written yourself. This is why professional publications have every article copy edited multiple times, but multiple people. However I do not have a copy editor, because this is a blog and I’m writing this stuff on my own from my bedroom. So unfortunately, once in a while you’re going to encounter a typo or two. But feel free to point them out, and I’ll correct them :)

    • Reply Lala April 29, 2012 at 2:55 am

      Why don’t you go and correct your blog…what? You don’t have a blog.

  • Reply Moni May 28, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    Aww I love this post. Proms suck. I think it’s because we have all this expectation and stuff and build it up in our minds and it just turns out to be super boring.
    I went solo to my prom even though all my friends had dates *crying*. I was super into one of my friends dates who I had never met before and we kept eye fucking and he groped my ass while we were dancing (hehe, bad friend) and then later on at the after prom when I was super wasted the guy who I wanted to go with came up to me and said he was to afraid to ask. Fuck everyone and fuck prom.

  • Reply Jim August 12, 2012 at 12:33 am

    I would have loved to have been your guy!!! Great writing, and hot! Nice combo

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