Tag: Dating 101

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Cindy Gallop: The Santa Claus of Good Sex

I recently interviewed the amazing Cindy Gallop who founded Make Love Not Porn! This originally appeared in Dazed mag. <3

Cindy Gallop wants you to have good sex, like, for real. In 2009 the New York City-based advertising executive gave a four-minute talk at a TED conference that became one of the event’s most talked about presentations. “I date younger men, predominantly men in their 20s,” was her opening line, and she went on to discuss the obvious influence of hardcore porn on the sex techniques of her young lovers. According to Gallop, internet porn has created a generation of young people who think that “what you see in hardcore pornography is the way that you have sex.” Basically, in the absence of proper sex-ed, porn has become the default sex-educator.

Gallop used her TED talk to unveil makelovenotporn.com, a witty, non-judgmental website that compares sex in the “porn world” to that in the “real world”. For example: “Porn World: Women come all the time in positions where nothing is going anywhere near the clit. Real World: There has to be some sort of rhythmic pressure on the clit in just the right way to make a woman come. Can be pubic bone, tongue, fingers, something else entirely. But it has to be there.” Oh, how true Cindy!

The site became a worldwide phenomenon, leading Gallop to publish the book Make Love Not Porn: Technology’s Hardcore Impact on Human Behavior. Four years later, she’s now preparing to launch makelovenotporn.tv, a video-based social-media site that aims to revolutionize sexual entertainment by offering videos of real people having real sex. Say goodbye to smoke and mirrors and anal bleaching –this is the real deal!

The best thing about makelovenotporn.com is that it’s funny. It’s so much less awkward to talk about sex when there’s humour involved.
Cindy Gallop: Exactly. I wrote all the copy myself, and I deliberately made it lighthearted to defuse the embarrassment that exists around talking about sex. Also, when I was creating the site I said to my designer, ‘I don’t want the slightest whiff of education or public service about it,’ because that’s the kiss of death where kids are concerned. I said, ‘I want you to take your design cues from the world of hardcore porn.’

And were you surprised by the response?
The response has been so extraordinary. I’ve been receiving emails about the site literally every day for the past four years. They tend to go something like this: ‘I came across your TED talk, I went to your website, I shared them both with my girlfriend/boyfriend/lover, and off the back of that we had a great conversation, and now our sex life is so much better.’ Essentially, the site is working as an objective, outside platform that helps people have the conversations they need to have.

You’re like the Santa Claus of good sex! So can you explain your new venture, makelovenotporn.tv?
Well, the sheer amount of emails I received made me feel that I had a personal responsibility to take Make Love Not Porn forward, in a way that would make it more far-reaching and effective. One of my philosophies – born of my advertising background – is ‘communication through demonstration’. So I decided to take every dynamic that currently exists in social media, and apply them to the one area no other social platform has gone or will ever dare to go: sex. I want to socialise sex, and to make real-world sex socially acceptable, and therefore just as socially shareable as anything else we share on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. So makelovenotporn.tv is a user-generated, crowdsourced platform on which anybody from anywhere in the world can submit videos of themselves having real-world sex.

And how do you define real-world sex?
Real-world sex is not performing for the camera; it’s funny, messy, human, and ridiculous. It’s the shit that really happens. For example, the total nightmare of putting the condom on. Guys are supposed to be able to do this like magic, but as we all know it often doesn’t happen like that, and sometimes things go soft, juices go dry and libidos get derailed. Or fanny farts – everyone does it, nothing to be ashamed of. Also, I find it so amusing when people talk about porn being “dirty”, because porn actually sanitises sex. In porn nobody has hair, you never actually see anybody using lube, or having sex on their period, when actually that’s when girls are the horniest! So we want categories like ‘period sex’ – bring it on, blood everywhere – no big deal, take the tampon out with your teeth.

So your site will show actual orgasms, not the fake, overdramatic screamed orgasms common in mainstream porn?
Totally. For example, our very first submission was from a young straight couple, and as I was watching it, no matter how hot what they were doing to each other was, I just could not stop looking at the girl’s face. And the reason was because she was loving it. She was so aroused that it became adorable. You never see faces like that in porn.

Will there be a fee for users?
We charge $5 per video for a three-week streaming rental. We also charge $5 to submit a video to the site, which is a curation fee, as my team and I will review all submissions. But then we revenue share – we give you, the contributor, 50% of the revenue that your makelovenotporn.TV video generates.

Whoa, so one can potentially make a lot of money.
Absolutely! In theory, your video could hit the YouTube holy grail of a million rentals, and at $5 a rental, the revenue is a nice amount of cash. That’s why we like to call ourselves ‘the Etsy of Sexy’.

Does makelovenotporn.tv have a primary ambition?
The message is pure and simple: talk about it. The issue I’m tackling is not porn, I’m tackling our society’s lack of an open, healthy dialogue around sex and porn. Because people find it bizarrely difficult to talk about sex with the people they’re actually having it with, because they’re terrified of hurting the other person’s feelings, or putting them off, or derailing the entire relationship. But at the same time, people really want to please their partners and make them happy, so they take cues on how to please from anywhere they can, and if the only cues people have are from porn, then those are the ones they take, to not very good effect.

And is it only men who are being misled by this sex-ed-through-porn trend?
Not at all. I talk to young men who say, ‘My girlfriend is putting on a performance in bed and it’s getting in the way of a real connection.’ One guy said, ‘I’ve been getting a lot of pornified blowjobs lately. I don’t know whether she’s really into me or if it’s what she thinks she should be doing.’ So it cuts both ways.

That makes sense.
And porn does a massive disservice for men, because it makes them think that sex is entirely dick-centric – it’s all about how big it is and how hard it is. For example, the other night I was with a 25-year-old, and for whatever reason he was having some trouble getting it up. I didn’t mind, but obviously he cared massively, and so as unfortunately often happens in these situations, the entire session became about his need to get it up and cum. And I was thinking, well, there’s actually a whole different way to approach us being in bed together, and it doesn’t have to be all about addressing your penis. Great sex is about the whole body. I deliberately spend time telling the men I sleep with how beautiful they are, and praising various parts of their bodies that aren’t their dick, and they’re stunned when I do this, because that’s not something they’ve even conceptualised. So for a lot of men, porn is causing unnecessary neuroses and insecurity.

Do you think people truly have difficulty understanding that porn is not an accurate representation of real sex? That it’s sensationalised for entertainment, just like regular films?
I had this conversation with some students in Oxford recently, because they were saying, ‘Come on, how could anybody think that porn is real? It’s like disaster movies or police chases.’ But here’s the difference: you can watch The Fast and the Furious, but everybody knows and talks about how to drive in real life. But with sex there’s no counterpoint, because we don’t talk about how sex operates in the real world. That’s why our tagline is ‘Pro-Sex, Pro-Porn, and Pro-Knowing-the-Difference’.

You have said you think makelovenotporn.tv could actually benefit the mainstream porn industry. How so?
Porn is a male-dominated industry. Now, the best of all possible worlds, in every sector, is one that is designed by men and women equally. I explain to guys that us girls like porn too – who doesn’t like to watch other people fucking?! – but often we have to watch porn that’s made for men. So I’m watching porn and trying to get off, but I can’t avoid processing it through the lens of female experience. I can’t help but think, ‘I know that hurts – if she keeps her leg up one more moment she’s going to get a cramp, I know she’s not actually coming,’ etc. But I want to see real-life sex, because I’m much more in tune emotionally with something I can relate to. The world of porn hasn’t even begun to experience what women can bring to the table. Make Love Not Porn is a venture founded by a woman, conceived by a woman, and built by a tech team that is more female than male. So that’s part of how we want to help the porn industry – by demonstrating that it’s possible to create a disruptive, innovative new business model, and to leverage human sexuality entertainment in a whole different way.

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Vice Slutever Show: Gray Area


God, sexuality can be so #confusing, right?! Like, how are we supposed to tell if we’re gay or not? In this episode, my recent sex dreams about my gurl crush, Mistress Amanda Whip, cause me to ponder, “In sex, does everything have to be black and white–“straight” or “gay”–or can we be somewhere in between, like, in the gray area? Clearly, the only way to solve this dilemma is with a LESBIAN MAKEOVER!!!

This is my favorite Slutever episode to date, so I hope you like it too! I’m also extremely excited about the #all-star cast, including international playboy Dev Hynes (aka Blood Orange); Lauren Dillard of the trending lesbian band, CREEP; and of course, the most powerful lesbian of all time and member of Le Tigre, JD Samson. (I had a poster of JD on my wall during that one year I went to college, so this is a pretty big deal for me.)

Later queers!

Special thanks to “the team” – Adri Murguia, Martina De Alba, Greg Eggebeen and Mariano Carranza
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Slutever’s “Sexytime Dilemmas” on Jezebel!

Photo by Marilyn Minter

The second installment of my new advice column for Jezebel.com (aka the new feminist bible) is up! Now pasted below:

I’ve always enjoyed sex and more recently have learned to practice safe sex. However, the other day I was trying to count how many partners I’ve had in my life and couldn’t do it! I feel like there are people I can’t remember. I also can’t remember who exactly I lost my virginity to, although I know it was in high school. Is this strange? Should I be consulting a physician regarding the possibility that I’m suffering from a sex addiction? If I am practicing safe sex, and not hurting anyone, is it an issue that I’ve “lost count”?

-Sacha



Dearest Sacha,
Most of us can’t remember everyone we’ve had sex with, because sometimes we sleep with people while we’re blacked-out, obviously. 

To answer your question, I do not think you are a sex addict. Essentially, an addiction is a behavior that affects your life in a harmful or negative way, something that you feel powerless to stop. So as long as you still enjoy sex and are smart about it (which it sounds like you are), and your urge to fuck hasn’t gotten so out of control that you’re offering your mouth-hole to crack monsters in the street, then you’re A-OK! Basically, just because you can’t remember everyone you‘ve boned doesn’t mean you’re Tiger Woods. Rather, it probably means that you (1) are kind of slutty and/or (2) have a bad memory. (The latter seems like a definite possibility, as TBH it’s pretty weird that you can’t remember who took your virginity — was it at a blindfolded orgy?)



The moral of the sex story is, as long as you remember to be safe, then you can forget basically everything else. Although it’s probs best to try and remember the name of the person you’re fucking at least until the sex is over. I learned this the hard way, when the guy I’d met 30 minutes earlier pulled his dick out of my mouth and shouted “Say my name, bitch!”, and I had to be all, “Oh… yeah… uh, can you remind me of that again?” Mood killer.





My boyfriend can’t get hard over me anymore and in turn, won’t fuck me. Is this because of his “dietary problems”? (Google diagnosis) I’m the one who feeds the fucker and he still won’t have sex with me! Could it be because I’ve put on 7lbs, or because he’s just not attracted to me anymore? I’m starting to hate that he goes soft after eating me out for 10 minutes. THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH QUIET MASTURBATING I CAN DO NEXT TO HIS SLEEPING BODY PLEASE HELP ME!

Kind regards,
R.



GURL, we have all been there! I don’t even want to tell you how many times I’ve quietly masturbated next to a sleeping lover, paranoid he’d be awoken by the dull vibrations of the bedsheets as I nervously flicked my way to happiness. However, on the plus side, these repeated secret masturbation sessions have made me a master of jerking-off with minimal movement or sound, which means I’m now able to guerilla masturbate in even the most public or cramped of places (i.e. on airplanes, in movie theatres, sitting on the couch with my mom, etc.). Seriously, all I need to do is throw a coat over my lap and I’m good to go!



But moving on, there are lots of reasons why your bf might be losing his boner. Impotence is a complex issue, and sex is extremely psychological, especially when you’re in a relationship. Things like this are never as literal as, “he doesn’t find you hot,” and gaining 7lbs is not enough to make someone not want you. (It’s 10lbs, at least.) Maybe there’s something else going on in your relationship that’s causing him to feel anxious or insecure that needs to be worked out before he can properly perform. You need to talk things through with him, but you have to go about it the right way. For example, shouting, “What’s wrong with your dick, you failure?!” is probs a bad idea, as impotence can be caused by a loss of sexual confidence due to a previous inability to get it up. Instead, a good idea is to take the focus away from his peen for a sec. Rather than waiting to masturbate until he’s passed out, why not involve him, and have him watch you? This is sexy, and it will put less pressure on him to please you, because you’ll already be getting-off. Ya know?



Also, just because a guy can’t get hard doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not turned on. Erectile dysfunction is a medical condition, and can be treated, so maybe he should see a doctor. On the other hand (not to be a bummer), there is the possibility that he’s just bored. Sometimes in long-term relationships this happens, which is why it’s good to switch things up once in a while, to keep your sex life exciting. Like maybe buy a new sex toy (like a horse-tail butt-plug, for instance), or do some role-play: you can be the urologist, and he can be the patient whose chronic case of bonerlessness you’re desperately trying to cure. Or something.



I’m 35 years old and have been with my husband for 10 years. We’ve been monogamous throughout and have a great sex life. In the past year we been exploring fantasies and have discovered we both get really turned-on when thinking of me sexually with another man. He says he wants other guys to know how good he has it with me. But now he’s taking it to another level and is naming off people we know that he could see me with. I find this fantasy exciting but I feel he is pressuring me, and I don’t know what to do. I am worried it will ruin our relationship. Please help!

-Glenna



This is a hard one. I’m inclined to say that if you’re feeling pressured or hesitant at all, then you shouldn’t do it. Sometimes fantasies aren’t meant to be realized. Like, I have a serious rape fantasy, although I’m almost positive I wouldn’t want to be raped IRL. You never know — the reality of sleeping with another man might weigh far heavier on you, and your husband, than you imagine. 

However, if this is something you guys decide you really want to try, then for the love of god DO NOT sleep with someone you know. That’s a horrible idea. One rule of threesomeing is that it’s best to fuck someone who is disconnected from your relationship, otherwise you run the risk of majorly complicating things, and instigating unnecessary jealousy and resentment. My suggestion would be to travel to another city and fuck a random internet stranger, this way if it all goes horribly wrong at least it was in a different area code, which means it doesn’t count.




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Ask Slutever

Photos by Sandy Kim

I recently gave out some Slutever advice for Oyster magazine’s all-female issue. You can read it below. I also interviewed Aurel Schmidt for the same issue, which I posted a few weeks ago. If you can, get your hands on a copy! Totally amazing girlpower vibes!

1. Dear Slutever, My boyfriend has moved to Berlin for 5 months, but we’ve only been together for 3 weeks. What do I do if he asks me to take my top off on webcam?

Uh… take if off, duh. He’s your boyfriend, which means he’s allowed to see your boobs. Also, FYI, I don’t know what you guys have planned monogamy-wise while he’s gone, but it seems kind of crazy to devote yourself to someone you’ve only know for three weeks for five whole months. No sex for nearly half a year?! Technically speaking, your vagina might sew itself shut.

2. I’ve been on a few dates with my crush, but I find him really intimidating as I think he’s been with lots of girls. How can I be more “sexy”?

Boys have simple brains (especially when it comes to sex) which means they are pretty easy to manipulate. Basically, all you have to do to make a guy want you is to act like you don’t care about fucking him. Show up to your date looking like a babe, but then don’t come on strong; make him work for it. Aloof = sexy. See, simple! (Although TBH it’s not as simple as it seems. I have no fucking self-control and am probably the most un-aloof person on the planet. God, I hate myself, why can’t I take my own advice?)

Also, I’ll let you in on a little secret: sex isn’t complicated. You shouldn’t be intimidated by a guy with more experience than you, because for girls, there’s no way we can really “mess up”. Guys run the risk of not being able to get hard, or losing their boner, or cumming too quickly, so they have reasons to be nervous. But us girls have it easy. The worst thing you can do is to freeze up and get all weird and panicky, so just chiiill. And if all else fails, once you’re getting sexy, just starting giving him head (like praying, fellatio makes more of an impact when performed on the knees), then, after a minute or so look up at him and say, “Do I look good with your dick in my mouth?” They always say yes.

3. How many times can you drunk text a guy without him replying before you delete his number from  your phone?

I’d say once. Max two if you’re really desperate to fuck him, but beware that you might come across as a bit tragic. But I mean, we’ve all been there…

It’s kind of embarrassing to live your life based on advice you picked up from crap rom-coms, but in that movie He’s Just Not That Into You, the Mac Computer Guy says something really profound. He says, “If a guy wants to see you, believe me, he will see you.” And it’s true–if your crush wants to hang, he’ll get in touch. After you’ve sent him one drunk text, you’ve pretty much laid it out on the table: you want to fuck him. He gets it. There’s no other reason you were texting him at 1am. So now the ball is in his court, and if he never gets in touch again, it means he doesn’t want to fuck you. Sad face! #WhateverHeSucks

4. I have blonde hair, and when I wear red lipstick I either look crazy or like an actual whore. Why is this? What do I do? I own so many red lipsticks.

Wait, is looking like an actual whore bad? Says who? According to my favorite sex blogger SugarTits, there are three types of girls: girls who are cute, girls who are beautiful, and girls who have sex face. So maybe you just have sex face, but that’s certainly not something you should be complaining about.

Also, red lipstick with blonde hair is such a classic look. Have you ever heard of Marilyn Monroe? Jayne Mansfield? Gwen Stefani? Did they look like whores? Well… kind of, but that was the point. Also, here’s a makeup tip: although there are a select few girls who can pull off a full face of makeup, generally speaking you have to choose between a heavy eye or heavy lipstick, otherwise you just end up looking like a tranny and/or Christina Aguilera.

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VICE Slutever Show, ep1 – Dating 101


Finally! The VICE Slutever show is here! I really hope you like it. The first four episodes will air every Friday for the next month on vice.com. I’ve been making the show with my BFF, director/producer Adri Murguia (who also hosts stuff for Vice too, check THIS out). Not to be cheesy, but we feel really proud that this is the first ever show on Vice that is being made for girls by girls. That’s cool, right? I mean, all those other documentaries VICE make about guns and war in the Middle East are cool and stuff, but TBH tampons and sex slaves are equally as important, and I feel like until now they haven’t been given a fair amount of attention. Or whatever.

Cool, can’t wait to read all the hate comments :)

p.s. Thanks Greg Eggebeen, Matt Kazman, Hannah Rose and Angie Sullivan!
 
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20 Secrets (That Are Not Really Secrets) About Dating

Images via Happy 2 b Sad

1. Always remember to wash your hands in between eating hot sauce and masturbating.

2. Guys: Don’t stress out too much about the best way to ask a girl on a date. Realistically, if she likes you, she’ll say yes no matter what. And if she doesn’t, she’ll just make fun of you to all her friends behind your back.

3. Boys who own giant cars and/or motorcycles have small dicks.

4. If you’re on a date with someone, it’s never, ever the right time to get out your acoustic guitar.

5. Sometimes it’s OK to think of men as disposable sex objects.

6. Sleeping with lots of people is not a bad thing, and if someone tries to make you feel bad about sleeping around or calls you a slut, it probably just means they’re not getting any.

7. Urine is sterile.

8. The key to flirting is just to be confident. However, walking up to a stranger in a bar and grabbing his crotch might be considered “too much” by some people. I know this from experience.

9. If you ask a guy out and he says no, just start telling everyone he raped you.

10. Crazy jungle pubes and better than razor burn.

11. A good tip for dating (and life) is to practice your “I’m totally not upset” face in the mirror, like how nominated actors practice their “good loser” face before the Oscars. This way, if someone rejects you, you can just make the face and at least they won’t be able to tell how epically miserable you feel inside.

12. It’s more important to be smart and interesting than it is to wear cool clothes. But ideally you’d be ‘all of the above.’

13. It’s probably a bad idea to let everyone you sleep with take naked photos of you, but being cautious is overrated. And who knows, maybe one day that leaked sex tape will make you famous.

14. Condoms suck but abortions suck more.

15. If you’re lucky enough to have an office with a desk in it, you should try bending someone over it. Sometimes being a stereotypical perv is a good thing.

16. Girls: It’s better to be a little bit fat than too skinny. This way at least you have boobs.

17. Most men are misogynists, even when they think they’re not.

18. If your boyfriend breaks up with you, a good way to make yourself feel better is to sleep with all of his friends.

19. Orgasms are great, but the best part about sex is all the stuff that leads up to it, so guys, slow the fuck down, will you!

20. Just because you’re in love doesn’t mean you have to start updating your status with Goo Goo Dolls lyrics, thanks.

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20 Secrets (that are not really secrets) About Dating

 Image via happy 2 b sad 

1. Using a condom is like trying to eat an ice cream sundae with a latex bag over it.

2. That being said, I’d rather eat an infinity of latex covered desserts than have your child.

3. If you’re giving a blow-job and your mouth is really dry, all you have to do is shove the dick really far back into your throat so that you gag a little bit, and your mouth will automatically produce some much needed saliva. #useful

4. Crooked teeth are hot. Brown teeth are not.

5. Although there are a select few girls who can pull off a full face of makeup, generally speaking you have to choose between heavy eye makeup or heavy lipstick, otherwise you just look like a tranny.

6. Hand-jobs are like lower back tattoos: not a good look after 14.

7. Being “too much” is not hot and can make you seem desperate, however sometimes it’s nice to make a grand gesture, or go out of your way to do something nice for the person you love, to remind them just how much you care.

8. “We need to make books cool again. If you go home with somebody and they don’t have books, don’t fuck them.” – John Waters

9. Boys should wear lipstick more. #MatthewStone #PerfumeGenius #TheoAdams #BlaineHarrison #EverythingSteveBuscemiDoesIsBeautiful

10. Like praying, fellatio makes more of an impact when performed on the knees.

11. It’s sort of cheesy, but I always think it’s cute when couples dress kind of the same.

12. Saying “I love you” is important (if you actually mean it), but if you say it every three fucking seconds it starts to mean less and less.

13. There’s no such thing as an outfit that’s too tight or too see-through.

14. You wouldn’t think so, but winking at someone from across the room is a profoundly effective flirtation tactic.

15. “I want to have your abortion” is the 2012 equivalent of “You mean a lot to me.”

16. Seriously guys, take a shower once in a while. Even if you think you don’t smell, your dirty penis is going to give me a UTI.

17. Telling someone you think they look really beautiful is SO easy and means SO much.

18. Boys, stop telling us we have “thick thighs.” Even if you mean it as a compliment, it makes us feel fat.

19. People with small noses are cute. People with big noses are beautiful.

20. I’m in the process of growing out a giant 70s style bush. Just putting that out there…

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Dating 101: Pharrell Williams

Pharrell is one of the 20 cover stars for this month’s 20th anniversary issue of Dazed and Confused. I interviewed him about the future of music and his career or whatever, but as the conversation progressed we ended up talking about sex, fetish and losing your virginity (obviously), and I even got the chance to ask him some dating tips. Below is an edited version of the interview that appeared in the mag, with most of the music stuff taken out and all of the sex stuff added in :)

Why he knows: Every girl wants him and every guy wants to be him, AKA he’s smooth as fuck.


Dazed launched in 1991, when you were 18. What were you like then?
I didn’t really have a plan, unfortunately. I didn’t go to university so I was living with my mom and dad. In my mind I was still 14, staying up until 3am, eating breakfast cereal and watching cartoons. I was living in a teenage dreamland! The only things that mattered to me were girls, Tribe Called Quest, toe socks, Ren and Stimpy, girls, Nirvana, condoms, girls…

Girls, huh? Do you have a type?
Well, I lost my virginity when I was 16. She was older–of course–and age has been a fetish of mine ever since. When I was 25 I used to hang out with women who were 35, 40. Funnily enough, the were the ones who talked to me and taught me how to treat women, and how and to really think about my life and my future. I’m thankful for them; they were my mentors at the same time. I like powerful women, women with some life experience, and I’m very attracted to intelligence.

What’s the oldest woman you’ve slept with?
I’m not telling you that.

OK, fine. So, what qualities do you think make a person sexy?
The will to share emotion. I love it when girls really open up.

Yeah, but when you start dating someone, it’s bad to talk about feelings too early, right?
No it’s not! It’s all manageable, and it’s all about communication. If someone is really going for it, or if they say “I love you” too early, you just have to tell them that. You say, “Look, that’s super sweet but it’s early as fuck.” Just laugh it off man. Introduce some humor into the equation and everything will be alright. The main thing you have to do in a relationship is just be honest. The truth may hurt the other person at the time, but they will respect you for it later. A relationship is nothing without a best friendship first.

So you’re an honest boyfriend? In your opinion, is it a good or a bad idea to play games?
No games! That’s a major turn off. A girl who plays games makes me run the other way, because I’m like, “OK, this chick is crazy. She says one thing but then she means another, and then out of nowhere she hits me with this avalanche of emotions.” Just keep it honest, fun and light. You’ll save yourself a lot of time that way.

That’s true I guess.
Why are you asking me all of this? What’s going on? You sounds like you’re going through some guy shit right now.

LOL. Not any more than normal.  But it’s always a good idea to glean dating advice from strangers. Especially when they’re a celebrities.
And by the way, if a guy doesn’t really like you for who you really are, without the games, then you’re saving yourself a lot of time. Do you want to put four or five years into a relationship just to figure out you can’t stand him? Why do that? If he can’t deal with the real you, tell him to hit the road.

Good advice Pharrell. So how do you stay looking so young and fresh? Because TBH you’re getting kind of old now.
Thanks. Uh… I used to jog, but I haven’t jogged in over two years. But I take good care of my face. Naomi Campbell used to tell me that all the time, she’d say, [insert questionable British accent] “Pharrell, you’ve got to take care of your skin!” She introduced me to all the different cleansers and special brands that I should be using. If you want to look a certain way, you’ve got to take care of yourself, ya know? You can’t just be using Ivory Soap on your face.

Who is an example of a woman who dresses sexy?
Kate Moss. Her style is just so natural; she doesn’t even have to try. And I’m sorry, I have to say it, I really like Victoria Beckham’s style too. She’s just so sharp, she doesn’t miss a beat. Kate is more ‘hopping out of a cab, running through Dover St Market, looking amazing on a Wednesday afternoon’ kind of style, whereas Victoria’s style is a little more thought through, but she’s really good at what she does.

And lastly, what is your opinion on the current state music industry?
I love where the music industry is right now, and that the economics of it have changed. As much as people complain about the landscape of America, both politically and economically, if you look back at history, every time there was a recession, or a war, music was incredible. And it brought people together. When the word is fucked up is when artists matter the most, because we need a good song, or a good MOMA visit, to lift our spirits, and to remind ourselves that humans can more than just shoot, kill and overdose.

Oh Pharrell, you’re so wise. If only I was older…

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Dating 101: Christopher Owens

All images by Hedi Slimane for VMAN

Christopher Owens is so hot I want to puke. I interviewed him about his band Girls for VMAN last month, and after I got done asking all the required muso questions I proceeded to quiz his Godlike brain about sex, dating and love, AKA the important stuff. Duh!

If you’re familiar with Girls, then you’re probably familiar with Christopher’s peculiar story: Born into the extremest religious cult The Children of God, he spent the first 16 years of his life traveling the globe en masse, shut off almost completely from the outside world. The children raised inside the cult were not exposed to any literature, music or art that was not produced within the group itself, the idea being too raise a generation of kids unspoiled by the outside world, AKA perfect little Children of God.

Aside from writing the sweetest, sunniest, lovey-est, catchiest songs ever, Christopher’s public openness about his past, as well as topics like drug use and his proclaimed sexual fluidity, make him, in my eyes, a total hero. I mean, cum on… a hot, young male musician who talks openly about being into both girls and boys, and struts around in crop tops?? I literally just came typing that sentence!

In your opinion, is everyone a little bit gay?
Christopher Owens: I think most people, if they were really honest with themselves, would be a little but gay, yeah. You have to allow yourself to be open to any and all feelings, ideas, emotions… Some of the most masculine guys I’ve ever met are gay–men who are just obsessed with the male physique and what a man is. These are very typical gay feelings.

I read in an interview you said, “I think there’s a masculinity in defying the social description of masculinity,” and cited people like David Bowie. Is that something you aim to do, defy gender standards?
I think it’s fun to play with society’s perceptions of masculinity. I think it’s funny and neat and fun. I like it when other people seem confused by it; I get a kick out of it. Some of the most macho and sexual rock n’ roll stars that have ever lived–people like Mick Jagger, Aerosmith, all the hair metal bands–were all very girly and effeminate, and weren’t afraid to explore their feminine sides. But you know, I bet a lot of them were totally homophobic, and they were wearing way more makeup than I do, and were way more girly than I am.

So you’re girly?
Yeah, I’m a bit feminine.

But you like girls, mainly?
Yeah. Some people talk about being born gay, but it wasn’t that way for me. I’ve always been very attracted to girls and I have a girlfriend now, and I love girls a lot. I get obsessed with movie star girls. That being said, I’ve been very fortunate in my life to have had very close, dynamic relationships with guys, and it’s opened my mind, and through those relationships I feel like I’ve learned something new about myself, about what having a full life really means, and about what love is.

Love changes everything.
Right. Like I think my strongest relationship in my whole life has been with a guy called Stanley Marsh. And even though it’s not sexual, it’s just as sentimental. Like I care about him more than anyone. When you care about someone, there are things that go beyond sexuality.

Also, off topic, but did you know Tavi is a massive fan of yours? SO COOL.
Yeah, I’m aware and I’m very happy about it. She has a GIRLS patch on the back of one her jackets, and it’s one of the cutest thing in the world. She also put stills from our first video, “Lust for Life” on her blog, and sometimes she just mentions that’s she’s listening to our songs. I’ve been following her for about three years.