In the new movie Grandma, Lily Tomlin plays a cool grandma helping her granddaughter get an abortion. Kristen Cochrane discusses the film, and looks back at the (generally awful) ways that abortion has historically been dealt with in film. Continue reading “Grandma: Finally A Film that Deals With Abortion Well”
This month, GQ published a very mean-spirited and moralistic article about sugar babies and sugar daddies. But why is GQ, which is ostensibly part of the liberal media, shaming people simply because their sex or dating lives are not “conventional”? By Karley Sciortino. Continue reading “GQ Publishes a Condescending Article Shaming Sugar Babies”
I’m excited to finally post the first official diary entry from Claire, whose sexy, scandalous and sleazy exploits will be documented regularly here on Slutever. Continue reading “Secret Diary of a Sugar Baby, Part 1: The Lost Hooker”
Where does a Beverly Hills sugar daddy take his sugar baby to brunch? And what’s the going rate for a sugar date in LA these days? And do sugar babies eat gluten? I’m asking all the hard hitting questions in my latest Sugar Babies column for VICE‘s Munchies. Read it HERE :)
Photo by Susan Meiselas
Ever wondered what a real, professional BDSM dungeon looks like? Well, from personal experience, I can say that some are very elegant and ornate, while others are far trashier, and tend to be located in unassuming office buildings in gross areas of midtown, on a floor just above, like, a pottery class, and just below an insurance company. Random.
Generally, what most professional, “for-hire” dungeons offer is a selection of rooms, each decorated to create a different mood, and to cater to the differing tastes and fetishes of their Dommes and clients. Often, each room has a theme, for instance: medical room, boudoir, chamber, prison, “red room,” mortuary, classroom, or simply your classic bondage dungeon. Each room will generally have a variety of BDSM furniture to suit the theme, for instance: cages, spanking benches, morgue tables, bondage beds, thrones, isolation rooms, dentist chairs, mummification benches, suspension frames, etc. Dungeons will often have pro-Dommes working on site, and some allow independent Dommes to hire out rooms for sessions. I recently went into an internet black hole researching some of the world’s most glamorous dungeons. Below is a selection of images of some of my favorites. Enjoy!
1. A dungeon in Astoria, Queens (NYC), that shares a building with a dance academy for young girls–something that doesn’t make their parents very happy, weirdly.
2. A dungeon-for-rent in Logan Square, Chicago:
3. This is dungeon is of unknown location–it’s kind of sterile, but it’s funny that at first glance it sort of just looks like a gym:
4. This uber chic dungeon is in LA, and owned by Mistress Justine Cross:
5. This super cute dungeon was created by some freak on Second Life. Wish it was real!
6. Be tortured in style in this fetish bed and breakfast in London:
7. Below is a photo of a bondage room in the love hotel, Hotel Adonis, in Osaka, Japan. Sadly, it no longer exists.
8. And I saved the best for last. Below are photos taken inside the original Pandora’s Box in NYC, one of the most infamous BDSM dungeons in the world. All photos are by Susan Meiselas, taken in the 90s. A couple weeks ago I posted the amazing documentary Fetishes, by Nick Broomfield, which was filmed inside this dungeon. If you like the below photos, and haven’t watched Fetishes yet, I highly recommend it!
Is money affecting your relationship in ways you don’t even realize? And why is it so easy to hate rich kids? Read my latest Breathless for Vogue to find out HERE :)
Jacq
The below was originally written as part of my “Sugar Babies” column for VICE.
Jacq is a 27-year-old writer and stripper. She grew up in Montreal, which is where she first discovered the sugar baby life, after which she became exceptionally good at getting stuff for free–especially nice meals. Jacq now lives in New York with her wife. With her tits out, she gathers stories, which she’s currently compiling into a book titled Flashing My Gash for Cash.
When did you start “working” as a sugar baby?
Jacq: When I was 20 I was bartending at this douchey club in downtown Montreal, and one night a guy came in and ordered a cocktail, gave me a hundred bucks and didn’t want change, which obviously got my attention. He was a Jordanian oil prince in his mid twenties, and was really sweet. The next day we met up for lunch and afterward I gave him a blow-job, but I would have fooled around with him more if I wasn’t on my period. He had this really beautiful cock, although when he took it out he said, “It’s handsome, right?” which kind of ruined it. Anyway, later we went shopping, and suddenly I had new shoes and Chanel perfume, and afterward I had this moment of, “Oh… so this is how the world works.”
Epiphany! So where did he take you for lunch?
He was visiting from out of town, so I took him to one of my favourite downtown spots, Sho-Dan. They have this sushi pizza that, at 20, I found really novel.
So did that experience pique your interest in sex work?
I wouldn’t have called it sex work yet. I had a middle class upbringing, I was at a fancy university–no on around me was a sex worker. But I was always interested in the idea of it, and I liked the attention and power and flirtation, but I didn’t want to have sex, necessarily. I just started to realize that life could be free. And so I started Googling…
Which led you to discover sugar daddy websites?
Exactly. At first, all the messages I got were from men who wanted me to travel with them, but I was like “Fuck no, I don’t want to get raped.” But eventually I got a message from this guy Sam who just said “Do you want to go shopping?” He was super old, like a grandpa, and he basically just watched me exist. He would take me out shopping and would say, “You can have anything you want.” So I told him I wanted Prada pumps, and he was like, “Let’s start with BCBG.” Lol. In a way, he was teaching me the process of these types of relationships–like, you can’t ask for Prada immediately, there’s a mutually beneficial exchange that has to develop over time.
What were your dates with him like?
For the first date we went to Kaizen, this sushi restaurant on Sherbrooke. It’s the kind of restaurant where they acupuncture the fish to sedate them in Japan, then ship them to Montreal where they take the acupuncture needles out, the fish starts flopping around again, and then they kill it. So it’s incredibly fresh, but it’s obscenely expensive, like $60 a roll or something. I got some bitchy cocktail like a lychee martini, and then ordered almost everything on the menu. My favorite was the lobster dragon roll. Sam just sat there smiling at me and barely ate anything.
Were you worried that he’d think it was tacky that you ordered so much?
No, I didn’t care, because I was starving. Like it was a necessity, I had no money. And I also didn’t care because I thought he was tacky for being on the website anyway. There’s this mutual judgment that lingers over all types of sex work. When I started working as a stripper, I’d look at the other strippers and be like “Eww, look at all these crack whores.” But that feeling dissipates pretty quickly. But you do judge your colleagues at first, and the strippers judge the men who come in, and the men judge the strippers, and so everyone is judging everyone, which means that everyone is fronting. But the flip side is that no one cares because you’re never going to see each other again. It’s like, “You’re paying $12 for a Bud Light to see my tits, which means that you’re an idiot, but I’m a slut, so whatever.” So in a way it’s kind of liberating–everyone’s just working their shit out and getting drunk and hating each other. “You’re paying $12 for a Bud Light to see my tits, which means you’re a horny idiot, and I’m a Dumb Slut, so let’s do this.” So in a way it’s kind of liberating–everyone’s just getting drunk and working out their daddy and mommy issues under black lights.
Did you ever hook up with Sam?
No, he was very grandfatherly, and not the type of grandfather who wants to fuck you. He didn’t even try. It’s not always just about having sex. Some guys get off on being seen with a beautiful woman.
Where else did you go with him?
We went to an upscale Greek place called Milos. You go to the back of the restaurant and there’s all these fresh fish on ice and you pick your fish. It’s sort of a novel experience. I was wearing a dress he bought me at Zara, which I bought in a rush and didn’t love. I’ve since learned that you should do your research before shopping with a sugar daddy–go and try stuff on, and remember where the stuff you want is located in the store, this way you can just grab it fast, because guys hate shopping for long periods of time. He didn’t take me shopping anywhere that upscale, but I mean, he bought me this amazing leather jacket at Zara that I still wear to this day.
So who was your next sugar daddy?
Oh god, he was this disgusting, balding guy with a ponytail who worked in construction and was a douchebag. He kept overtly looking under the table to check out my legs. For our first and only date we went to Garcon!, this French restaurant on Sherbrooke. I had a quail appetizer that was really good. The guy wanted me to go with him to Miami. Sugar daddies love Miami–it’s a thing.
Well it’s very classy there. So when did you decide to cross over from the world of sugar babies to stripping?
Well, I had moved to Australia for a while, and did not anticipate the astronomical cost of living. I had just met this girl who was cute and broke. I remember trying to withdraw money to buy us pizza, and it said ‘Insufficient funds.” And I was just like “Fuck it, I’m going to be a stripper.” And I immediately loved it.
Why do you like it?
I love the performance, the costuming, the immediate gratification of cold, hard cash, and the sluttery–being a slut is fun! Also, you can form sincere relationships. And sure, they do have seuxal undertones, but everyone has relationships like that in real life; I just turn a profit from it. Everyone’s always sucking someone’s dick in some capacity, so in a way I think that makes sex work the most honest work. (Although realistically I haven’t given a blowjob in six years.)
Do you find that people are surprised when you say you like your job?
I do! It’s unfortunate that the only socially acceptable way to be a sex worker is to hate men–you’re supposed to be exploitative, vindictive and to cheat people out of their money. Because enjoying sexual
interactions that you’re being paid for, whether you’re fucking the guys or just listening to them bitch about their bosses, makes people uncomfortable.It’s easier for people to slut-shame than to wrap their heads around the fact that a woman is in control of her body and –gasp–making money off it.
What did you think of Steven Soderbergh’s portrayal of sex work in The Girlfriend Experience, where Sasha Grey plays a high class escort?
I like that movie, but dammit, why is everyone in it so vapid? Sasha Grey is so smart and self-aware in real life, and the movie just made her seem like a dumbass in nice lingerie. You need a little bit of intellectual capacity for emotional compassion, but they just make her seem like this two-dimensional fuck machine… but alas, male fantasies are seldom complex.
So you think deep down clients just want you to be a hot robot?
Well, I find that when you surprise clients by getting under their skin, or impressing them with your wit, they find it quite jarring, because you’re not playing into the fantasy. They interpret it as you letting your guard down–as vulnerability–rather than as independence and autonomy. They expect you to be dumb, basically, so when you’re not dumb, they’re like, “Oh, she’s real!” And sometimes they like it, but sometimes they find it intimidating. So you’re negotiating those boundaries all the time.
Do you ever go on sugar-daddy-ish dates with your stripper clients?
I haven’t in a long time. I’m married now, and part of the agreement I have with my wife is that work stays at work. But before we met I was working the day shift at a stripclub in midtown Manhattan, and afterward I’d often go for dinner with one of the guys from the club–they always ask the dancers to hang out afterward–because it meant getting a nice, free meal. I’d usually want oysters, and one of my favorite places around there was Bistro Chat Noir, on the Upper East Side near the park. Guys love to watch you eat oysters, because it’s like you’re sucking back on their cum.
Ooh, good tip!
There’s a guy who comes into the strip club a lot who always gets a private room with me and this other dancer. He orders food to the room–strip clubs in New York often have restaurants in them because of certain laws–and just sits there watching us feed each other porterhouse steak and shrimp scampi. Compared to most restaurants, strip club food would be considered disgusting, but when you’re drunk and starving it tastes amazing.
That’s not what I ever imagined went on in those private rooms.
Yeah, a lot of guys just get rooms to do a bunch of coke. I recently had a couple come in and fuck in front of me. The girl was like “I’m bi!”, but was clearly the straightest girl in the world, and was pretending to be into me. So they fucked on the couch and I shouted words of encouragement from the adjacent chair.
So have you ever hooked-up with any of your clients from the club or websites?
No, I’m pretty gay, honestly. And I’ve always known I could get things without having to fuck anyone, which has been a blessing and curse, because I’ve taken it too far–once I flew to Paris with a client and he obviously expected me to fuck him and I didn’t. He was really mad by the end! But honestly, the couple times I tried fooling around with sugar daddies I got really bummed out. I just hated it, and I acknowledged that it just wasn’t something I personally felt comfortable doing.
So on sugar daddy dates, can you get given cash if you don’t fuck the guys, or is it just presents and stuff?
Yeah, I usually didn’t get cash just to hang. I’ve successfully been paid $1k just for a date twice in my career, but that’s hard to negotiate. You basically have to make the argument that a night of your time is worth a grand, because that’s how much you could be making at the club. But guys don’t generally like paying a grand not to fuck you.
What does your wife think about what you do?
She’s totally respectful and supportive of my stripping career. But the dates outside of the club are a thing of the past. Something I think a lot of people don’t acknowledge is that you can be a sex worker and have a relationship, and they don’t really intersect that much.
Rose is a 27 year old escort living in rural Tennessee. She’s been in the business for three years, and also works an office job. I talked to her about the challenges of being a sex worker in a small town, and living a double life.
How and why did you get into escorting?
Rose: I’ve actually had an interest in doing it since I was young. Then, a few years ago I became friends with a girl and one night we drank a bunch and she ended up telling me about her sugar daddy who takes care of her bills, eventually as we became good friends she told me she also was an escort and started telling me about her Johns. I thought the job sounded really intriguing, and like an easy want to make money. She helped me get started, and showed me an escort website where you can post personal ads.
It’s funny, I’ve talked to a lot of sex workers and many of them say something similar–that sex work something they’d always wanted to do. Sort of like how if you ask a doctor about her job she’ll say, “I’ve always been interested in medicine.”
Yeah lol, it’s a total calling. Plus I’m not a person who makes emotional attachments through sex–it’s just a physical thing for me. Of course sex can be emotional, and I do enjoy having sex with people I have actual feelings for, but I’m also good at detaching. I don’t think most of my friends could do this job.
So if you have an office job, and don’t “need” money, is escorting just for thrills?
Honestly, sometimes I feel like I only have a legitimate job to cover for my greasy side work, and keep my family and friends from asking too many questions. I lead what some would call a double life. I’m attractive, I work, I’m popular in my area, but I also enjoy having my lifestyle paid for by men who go weak for a blonde with a Southern accent.
I know you live in a small town. Is it easy to make money escorting there?
Not at all. I live in the middle of nowhere in Tennessee–Nashville and Memphis are each two hours away–so it’s not the most reliable place to make money. There’s a lot of work in Nashville and Memphis, but that involves four hours of round trip travel, and then half the guys are flakes, so I like to arrange multiple appointments over a couple days if I’m going to make the time and effort to travel. Still, a lot of the time it’s a wasted effort and I end up spending more money than I make. But occasionally it works out. A lot of the time I arrange to work together with my escort friend who I mentioned–we’ll go to Memphis or Nashville together, which means we save money on gas and hotels. If I see clients in my hometown, they tend to be men who are traveling on business. But I don’t really like to work here too much, because it’s such a small, sleepy town, so it’s hard for me to walk into a Hampton Inn because I literally might know the person working behind the counter. Gossip here travels fast. Plus my parents live here–my dad owns a small business, and actually one of my clients owns a company that he buys goods from, so it’s risky business, really.
Have you ever used a sugar daddy website to meet clients, rather than a straight-up escort site?
I have, but they aren’t my favorite. A sugar daddy site once resulted in the biggest debacle I’ve ever gotten myself into.
What happened?
Well, the guy lived in New York and was CFO of a major TV news station, and he bought me a train ticket to visit him. I normally wouldn’t have gone, but I was already planning to come to New York to visit my friend, so I figured I might as well make money while I was there. So I ended up missing my train and getting there three hours later expected, at 8pm. He had a car pick me up at the station which brought me to wherever he lived in Brooklyn, which I quickly realized wasn’t a nice part of town, and then his apartment was crappy and rodent infested, and we literally had takeout for dinner.
Eww, NO. Takeout is so depressing.
I know! So I spent the night and I blew him but I was like, “I’m not having actual sex with you because you haven’t given me any money yet or fed me properly.” So the next morning we woke up and I asked what he had planned for us that evening, and he was like, “Actually I don’t think is going to work out, you should just stay with you friend.” And I was like, “Well, what about my money?” And he goes, “I’m sure you’ll figure something out.” Like… thanks dude.
That’s heinous. From what I’ve heard, that’s what can be weird about sugar daddy sites–the money-for-time exchange isn’t as clear cut. Men who hire escorts know they have to pay by the hour, but sugar daddies want pseudo girlfriends–so basically a “non sex worker”–because they want to feel like they’re just helping a girl out, rather than paying for sex. But sometimes they can abuse that ambiguity.
Yeah, that’s what’s annoying about those sites, because it’s like, I am a call girl, I am an escort. On sugar daddy sites it’s really hard for me to draw the line between not wanting to sound like a professional, and making sure I get paid well. Plus those guy can be so needy too. I had one sugar daddy who wanted to text me constantly, and ask how my day was. I was like “Ugh, I don’t want to tell you how my day was!” And the weirdest part was that I think he was gay, so I never even slept with him. I would only kiss him on the cheek.
Do you think he wanted you to be his “beard” or whatever?
Well no, because we never went out in public. I just went to his house. He had a really awesome, old Victorian house with a giant wrap-around porch that we would sit on and drink beer. He gave me a $700 iPad on our first date, and he bought me a really nice collection of Jeffrey Campbell shoes that I don’t really know what to do with.
How do you juggle your real life relationships with your work? Do you tell guys on the first date about your job? Do you keep it a secret? What’s the protocol?
Juggling a relationship is complicated. In my personal sex life I generally have about five people at one time who I’m talking to, but I don’t commit to any of them because I’ve realized I just don’t want to be in a monogamous relationship. Generally, I don’t tell them about my job. There was one guy who was my primary hook-up for a year, and he would absolutely die if he knew I did any of this while I was with him–which I did, a lot. However, if I get to a point where I actually want to be in a relationship, the person will have to know and be OK with my work, because I don’t want to lie again. Basically, any guy who wants a traditional, monogamous relationship is instantly a no.
Have you ever met a guy, told him what you do, and he didn’t care?
Yeah, there’s one guy I’ve been seeing pretty casually for years, and he knows what I do and likes it. He has a thing for getting with total strangers, which I think is hot, and he think it’s hot that I get paid, so we enjoy talking about that. We probably could make so much money if we worked as a pair, but he refuses. He has a good job so he doesn’t need to make extra money.
Do you think working as an escort fulfills your sexual needs? Like maybe if you weren’t doing this you’d be more interested in having a conventional boyfriend, because you wouldn’t be getting so much sex and attention?
I kinda of feel like the three years of escorting has deterred me from ever wanting a conventional relationship again. Society wants to put you in a box, and tell you to be with one person, but then at work I see so many married men who are cheating on their wives, and they’re all so unhappy. Most of the time I have to sit there for an hour and listen to them talk about how they’re married to women who don’t appreciate them, who don’t have sex with them, who just take their money. And meanwhile they’re paying me $300 to listen to them. It makes me feel bad for them. I’ve actually been married before, when I was 21, but I got divorced when I was 23. We were together for 6 years.
Wow, 21 is young.
Yeah but it’s completely normal where I’m from–that’s how I got trapped into it. At 22 I had a career, a boyfriend, a perfect house and a nice car–the life some people dream of–but I was so unhappy. I didn’t have any friends, because all my old friends were going to college, so I would just come home from work and make dinner. Six months into being married my husband lived in the basement and I lived upstairs. We didn’t even talk anymore.
So there were two years in between your divorce and when you started doing sex work?
Yeah, it was weird because I was 23 and I’d never been on a real date before, and I’d only ever had sex with one person. It was basically like being 15 again. I ended up going to school–I have three college degrees. I dated people and made friends. It took me a minute to ease into having sex with other people because it seemed so strange after only having seen one person naked ever. But it’s been pretty easy since then.
Do you ever enjoy sex with clients?
I definitely like it sometimes, because I don’t care what they think about how I look, so I’m really uninhibited, whereas I get nervous and uptight around people I actually like.
Do you ever find being a prostitute degrading?
I don’t. I actually find it semi-empowering that there are people willing to pay money and buy me nice things just to hang out with for me an hour. I’m really nothing special–I’m just a small town girl with an office job who’s never done anything really spectacular.
Have you ever had any weird requests from clients?
Oh yeah. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this whole experience, it’s that people are just weird. But I kind of enjoy that. Probably my favorite part about getting into this industry has been learning about all the weird things that get people off, and how unique and special people really are. I had this one guy who liked to be humiliated–he didn’t want me to let him touch me, which is fine because I prefer that. So we would go out to lunch or dinner, and I would wear something really nice and low cut to draw attention. He totally got off on other people were looking at us, thinking he wasn’t good enough to be out with me. Then we’d go back to the hotel room and I would videotape him masturbating while I told him he could never touch me.
Lol, that’s like being a dominatrix–I’ve done Domme sessions similar to that. So have you ever been really broke and done anything “drastic” to make money?
Not too drastic, but there was a month where I was between job and I needed money really bad, so I put an ad up on the ‘casual encounters’ section of Craigslist that was like “I need help, I’m traveling through the area and my car broke down, blah blah blah.” In two hours I got sixty responses. Over the next week I met three of the guys at hotels for sex, only one of which could actually perform, and made almost $2,000. I told each of them that my car needed a $600 repair and they all gave it to me.
Do your friends know what you do? Are they judgmental?
My good friends know, but I usually phrase it like I have a “sugar daddy” rather than that I’m a prostitute, ya know? I haven’t been able to tell my guy friends at all really–I find that they’re more judgmental than the girls. But I had one female friend get really judgmental on me when I did the Craigslist thing, and told me my job was degrading. But I was just like, “Well if that’s how you feel then we can’t be friends, because I think it’s degrading that you’re almost 30 and live with your parents. At least I make money and have my own place.”
You said you feel empowered by what you do. But have there ever been any moments when you felt bad, or you questioned what you were doing?
I usually feel a bit apprehensive before an appointment, but I really haven’t had any “bad experiences.” I mean, I’ve definitely had to sleep with my fair share of men that weren’t attractive–like really fat or really old, or really small dicks–but for me escorting is just a job, and I far prefer it to other jobs I’ve had, like when I worked in a deli and had to bread fried chicken. I was like, “Eww, I don’t want to do this, I hate my life!” But I don’t feel like that now. Still, I don’t imagine myself doing this forever.
p.s. You can read my interview with a New York City escort here.
What is it about older guys that’s so darn appealing (and why have I only just noticed it)? Find out in my newest Breathless column for Vogue :)
Photos of Madeline by Stacey Mark
Madeline is a 23-year-old prostitute. She’s been selling sex for more than two years, primarily sleeping with men she meets through sugar daddy websites. She talked to me about her life fucking Saudi princes, paid orgies, and the truth about men who pay for sex.
So how long have you been fucking people for money?
Madeline: Since I was 20. For a long time before that I’d had a prostitution fetish. I was living in London at the time, working as a nanny, and basically I crashed the family’s car. So I was looking on Craigslist for babysitting gigs to make extra cash to help them pay for it, and I noticed there were a few ads from older men looking for a “rendezvous.” Most of them were like sixty years old, but there was one guy who was 32 and offering £500 for an hour, so I emailed him and was like, “I’ve never done anything like this before, I have no idea if I’m even capable, but I’m interested.”
And?!
He was very polite and eased me through the whole thing. I asked him a million questions—literally down to “Do I have to act into you?” He just made me feel really comfortable. So I went through with it and I really, really liked it.
You just went and fucked him at his house or something?
No, we got a hotel. But basically after that I knew I could psychologically handle having sex for money–it wasn’t just a fantasy anymore. And then I came across an article about sugar daddy websites, and so I made a profile on one of the sites, just to see if the daddies were only looking for supermodel types, and I got loads to replies. That was more than two years ago, and I’ve been doing it ever since.
So you see sugar daddies, and you also work for an escort agency, right?
Yeah, but I only do the agency when I’m low on cash, because it’s a sure thing, and I know I can definitely make a certain amount in a night. Working for the agency is more standard prostitution–you’re given a driver/bodyguard who drives you around the city in a black car, and you see multiple clients in a row, who are all pre-booked for you by the Madam. But I’d much rather see an SD. It’s classier and more fun.
So what types of guys do you meet through sugar daddy sites and what do they want from you?
There’s generally two types of guys—I’ve nicknamed them. There’s the ‘Bleeding Heart,’ and the ‘Contract Sugar Daddy.’ The ‘Bleeding Heart’ actually thinks he’s in a relationship with you and wants you to generally be attracted to him, and wants to spend time together and for you to have sex with him. Those types are always like, “I’m always really generous with my girlfriends so I don’t see why this is any different. I would take care of you anyway, so the fact that we met on this site doesn’t make a difference for me,” sort of thing. Sometimes they even want you not to see other people. And the Contract Sugar Daddies are more business about it, and pay you a set fee each time they see you, or give you an “allowance” of a set amount each month.
So with the Bleeding Heart types do you have to “act” a bit more?
Yeah, you need to cuddle, you need to sleep over.
You sleep over? Eww.
I know it’s really awful, I hate doing it. I can’t sleep! But I tried the whole, “I can’t sleep over, I don’t sleep well” thing, but sometimes they won’t call you back if you don’t. I feel like I’ve missed out on some opportunities by not sleeping over. I’m thinking of investing in sleeping aids.
I feel like I’d be scared the guy would murder me in my sleep.
I think by the time you’ve been comfortable enough to lock yourself in a room with someone and get naked, you’ve committed. And by the way, guys you meet in bars for one-night-stands can murder you in your sleep too! I’d rather not sleep over, but if it means getting a more reliable SD then I’ll do it.
So have you ever met an SD who you were legitimately into?
Definitely. There was this one guy who was a Saudi prince. He flew me to Paris first-class and put me in a five star hotel. When I got there, there were four dozen roses and a bottle of Dom Perignon from my birth year. And at that point I hadn’t even talked to him on the phone, we had just emailed and sent pictures. When I finally saw him in person I was nervous because he was so good looking. He looked like Aladdin. His deal was that he wanted to meet me in Paris once every other month and he would give me 30 grand over a six month period.
That’s crazy. So what happened?
We had dinner and then went up to the room and fucked a couple of times. I was really into it but he was kind of insecure like, “I know I’m good but I’m not that good.” I felt like I had hit the jackpot.
So did the 6 months deal pan out?
Well, no. What happened was that he gave me five grand on the first night, and the next morning he went to Cannes to do renovations on a house. So I just stayed in Paris, and he was like, “Charge everything to the hotel and I’ll take care of it,” so I invited friends over and we would just order room service and watch TV and jump on the bed. But after a few days, when he still wasn’t back, I got an email saying, “I’m sorry darling, this is my first transgression against my wife and I don’t feel good about it.” It was totally fair enough, but it sucked as well!
So do you have a reliable SD now?
I’ve been seeing a lot of this one guy who runs a fashion company. He wants to dress me up as his doll and put me in high fashion shit, so that’s cool. He’s really fun to hang out with, and actually sort of has a gay vibe. He texted me today with a plan for our next date saying, “We’ll go to the spa and get mani/pedis and then we’ll go home and have sex and then we’ll go shopping and get you all dressed up and then we’ll go to Book of Mormon and then we’ll go to a fabulous dinner.” LOL. Like, can’t complain there!
But you “date” more than one SD at once, right?
When I first signed up I was really ‘girl next door’ about it and would only talk to one person at a time. But you kill so much time that way. It’s not like I’m trying to have five guys at once–I’m too lazy for that. Ideally I would just have one reliable guy. But these guys are so unpredictable and flaky. Like for example I had this one guy who was amazing. We met a total of four times and we never had sex–we’d just have dinner or get drinks–but every time we met he’d give me a thousand dollars in an envelope.
Wait, why didn’t you have sex?
Because he did but he was, like, getting to know me or whatever.
Random.
Yeah. So the first meeting we just met for drinks and then he had to go back to work, but he handed me an envelope. The standard for a non-sex meeting is usually around $200 to $250. I’m not saying the majority of guys do that, but if they want to show you that they’re serious about being a sugar daddy, and that they’re capable, they usually give you a gift. So anyway that’s what I expected, and then I looked in the envelope and saw a grand and was like OMG.
That’s insane. Was he good looking?
Yeah! He was really cute. He wasn’t my type but he was like 35, 6’2, blond hair, Tom Ford suit, nice glasses. He was totally someone I could take out and not be embarrassed by. He wasn’t “cool,” like he doesn’t work at Vice or whatever, but he was fine.
He wasn’t alt.
Defs not alt. But I was really pumped on it going somewhere. So we went on four dates and every time it was a thousand dollars, and then on the last date we made out and he was like, “I’m really happy I met you,” but then I just never heard from him again.
That’s so weird. Do you think he found another girl?
Who knows. That’s what I mean, these guys are so flaky. Maybe he was married. If he found another girl that would have been totally fine. The thing about these kinds of relationships is that they’re so direct and honest–you’re basically a commodity, so guys can just tell you if they don’t want to see you anymore and it’s not a big deal–which is why I was so confused when he disappeared with no explanation at all.
This seems like it’s a huge part of your life. To what extent do you keep it a secret? Do your friends and parents know what you do?
Most of my friends do. I have no filter! Especially when I’m blacked-out, lol. I always end up telling most of the guys I’m dating in my “real life” about my job too, which is probably why I haven’t had a boyfriend in a couple years. I would really like to find someone to date who didn’t mind my work though, and for the right person I would probably be willing to work less. Also, my parents know what I do because my sister told them. Afterward I got a call from my dad. He literally said, “Hey honey, I heard you’re turning tricks.”
Oh god.
Well, they care, but they’re hippies, so they’re sort of ok with it. Once my dad was really low on cash and struggling to pay his bills, and I was home visiting him and felt really bad. So I went on the site and this guy was offering me $1,000 for a blow job, so he picked me up and I sucked him off and was back like 30 min later, and just handed my dad the cash. He started crying actually, he couldn’t really deal. But he was also like, “What the fuck, you were only gone half an hour!” He could NOT believe anyone would pay me that much. I was like, “Uhh… Dad, that’s actually weirdly insulting.”
That’s so awkward, we need to move on. So do you ever sleep with other escorts, like in an American Psycho threesome sort of way, but without the chainsaw?
Yeah, actually I have one client who only sleeps with more than woman at a time, so with him I only do threesomes. He always brings the other girl and gives us each $700, and the whole thing takes about an hour. He’s so sweet, I love him. He grew up in a really poor family, so it’s a rags to riches story.
Do you like the threesomes?
Well threesomes are cool because you only have to do half the work. But there’s a bit more pressure, especially because I never know what the other girl’s going to look like, and I’m always nervous she’s going to hate me. I have more confidence with wooing men than I do women. I can’t tell if a girl is thinking, “I can’t wait for this to be over.” I guess it’s an insecurity thing.
Do clients ever want you to do really kinky shit?
I recently had this one client who’s an amazing German guy, early thirties, top lawyer in his field, speaks five languages, and he was staying at the Ritz and we would go for really nice dinners. The sex with him was really weird and perverted and hot. He’s really into lactation. He was like, “You might be a little young but maybe three years from now, if you work on it and milk your tits, you’ll be able to lactate.” And he’d always be working my tits. One time he was lying in bed, completely naked with a boner and a pillow on top of his face, and he was like, “This is my newest fetish,” and I got on top of him and was fucking him while suffocating him. It was just fun, adventurous, interesting sex.
But I’m semi confused because for the guys it’s like—you’re good-looking, you’re successful, you’re rich, so why can’t you just fuck someone without having to pay them? Are they just awful people?
No, they’re usually fine. They’re just too busy. And they have standards. It’s hard to just meet someone at a bar who’s hot and smart and who you can have an interesting conversation with, who also wants to fuck you on the first night.
And they know they will find hot and smart girls on an SD site?
Well they can read your profile. If your profile is written well and witty and your photos are hot, that’s a good start.
So how much money do you make per month?
It’s so month-to-month. But I had one arrangement that was 7.5K a month just from one guy.
Really? Do you have a huge savings?
No, I have zero savings! You think it’s so much money until you have it. I think my biggest problem was that I felt almost guilty about how much money I had, since my friends are obviously all young and poor, so I would just pay for everything. Also I had just moved to New York so I was going out every night until 4am, and basically paying for everyone. And my apartment was $2350 a month. That was part of the deal–he was married so he wanted me to have my own place and he asked that it be within four stops of Grand Central.
How long did that arrangement last?
Four months, and he told me it would last that long right from the beginning, which was cool.
So has whoredom been a pretty positive experience throughout, or has there ever been times when you felt used or in danger or whatev?
That’s so subjective, if you’re asking me that versus another sugar baby, you’re going to get very different answers. One of my closest friends signed up and was getting slimy messages and was not really into it, but it takes a lot for me to be shocked or grossed out. Also I sort of get off on the riskiness of it. I genuinely love my job.
Would there be a reason that you would say no to sleeping with a client?
No. The only time I walked out of a meeting was when an agency sent me somewhere really shady–like a drug den, and not the baller swag type of drug den.
Do you have personal rules for yourself?
Always use condoms, I always meet SDs in public before going to their houses.
What would you say is the best part of the job, besides the money?
You get to meet people outside of your social circle, which I like. And also this job has led me to discover that there is a silver lining to everyone. There are guys I go on dates with who in “real life” I wouldn’t look twice at, but when I’m forced to sit down and talk to them, I always find something endearing about their personality. Like maybe the guy know tons about the soil in Argentina and how it affects the climate… I can get down with that, I can take home some trivia.
So basically being a whore makes you rich and smart.
Totally. Or at least I know way more about the stock market than most 23-year-old girls living in Williamsburg.
