Slutever on BoyCrazy Radio, Talking About Bois & Giving Sex “Advice”

OMG I was a guest on BoyCrazy Radio, Alexi Wasser’s sex and relationship call-in show. This was seriously a “moment” for me, since I’ve been reading Alexi’s blog, I’m Boy Crazy, for like 7 years now or something crazy. If you want to hear me and Alexi attempt to give people advice (lol) and also rant about our own relationships problems, you can do that below! Disclaimer: I was pretty drunk when this was recorded because it was on the night before Thanksgiving.

How to Tinder Your Way Out of Your Social Scene

I’m single now—YOLO! Rather than dipping into the same pool of dudes and dudettes from my social scene, I’ve been Tindering up a storm. I’ve realized: using dating apps to date outside of your network has a lot of surprising benefits… it can sort of be like anthropology-lite :) Read about my recent hot dates and dating disasters in my newest Breathless column for Vogue magazine HERE :)

Ask Slutever: I’m a High School Student Fucking my Teacher

I’m a senior in high school, and I’m having an extremely inappropriate relationship with the boys’ soccer coach at my school. It’s been going on for 3 years now. A few weeks ago he told me that he loved me, and I just really have no idea what to say or do. He means a lot to me, but he’s a 27-year-old man and I’m 17. He has a wife and I have a boyfriend. He told me that he would leave his wife for me, but I never thought it would get to this point. I don’t want to end what we have because he does what I like sexually. My actual boyfriend refuses to do what I want in the bedroom because he doesn’t want to hurt me, but Coach is into the same stuff as me and the sneaking around makes it fun. If you have any advice I could really use it. Kate

First off, I’ll say that you seen very mature and self-confident for your age, which is such a cool thing. Secondly, I’ll say that your relationship with Coach is “inappropriate” from his end, not yours, and that you shouldn’t feel any shame about anything that’s happened. Also… well, maybe I should preface all of this by saying that I’m probably not the person to give you the most motherly or morally-sound advice… but you did ask me for help, so I’m going to tell you what I honestly think.

Despite you clearly being very smart and independent, what you might not understand now is that Coach is probably a pretty big loser. Any married adult who starts sleeping with a student at the school where he works, starting when she’s 14, can’t be too impressive of a person. I promise, when you’re older you will look back on this and laugh—it will be a great drunken anecdote—but you will also realize how tragic coach is, especially when you’re grown up and successful and even cooler and smarter than you are now.

When I was 16, I was sleeping with this 27-year-old guy—not my teacher, just a guy from my town. I loved fucking him. It felt so cool to be sleeping with someone so much older than me, and I loved that he was so sexually experienced, that he’d traveled, that we could have conversations that were far more interesting than the one’s I was having with the guys in my class, that he had chest hair (lol), etc.. We had sex for about a year. I had a lot of sexual “firsts” with him, and I was definitely more sexually confident, and just generally better at sex, after I met him. However, even though I don’t regret what happened at all, looking back on that relationship now, I’m like “Oh my god lol, that guy was such a loser.” I couldn’t see it at the time, because I felt very adult and on the same level with him, but in hindsight I know that I was still a child in a lot of ways, and under the age of consent, and that he was an idiot for sleeping with me.

I know you don’t want your relationship with Coach to end. However, it does feel like it might be coming to a breaking point. For one, he seems a bit delusional—like, he’s going to leave his wife for you?! How does he realistically think that’s going to work? Not only would he be fired if people found out that you were together, but he would also likely go to jail. He is the adult in this situation, and he should have been the responsible and not slept with you. This wasn’t your mistake, it was his. However, even though he’s the adult in this situation, it seems that you’re the only who’s acting like one.

This is a tricky situation. It might not be a good idea to continue seeing him if he’s threatening to leave his wife, which makes me think he could be a bit unhinged. Of course, he could just be talking shit to try and be romantic. You’re smart, so you have to ask yourself some serious questions: Do you always feel safe with coach? Do you think that if you stopped the relationship he would get so upset and could do something harmful to you? You’re the only one who can answer these questions. I think it’s valid if you want to keep your history with him a secret. However, if you ever feel at all that he could do something to hurt you, then you have to tell your parents and/or your school immediately.

Believe me, Coach is definitely not someone you want to be in a serious relationship with, and he’s also not the only guy in the world who can give you the sex you want. You’re clearly sexually progressive and experienced. Go out and find a new guy who fucks you like you want to be fucked. He can be older than you, he just shouldn’t be your teacher! (Although until you turn 18 I’d refrain from fucking someone too much older, because of annoying legal reasons.)

xoxo Karley


Sorry I haven’t been posting very much recently, I’ve been busy being out of control. A life update: my boyfriend and I broke up which means I’m now ~single~. A side effect of that means my blog will probably be more exciting in the coming months, because I’ll no doubt be getting up to more ridiculous/tragic sex stuff now that I live a life without rules. It’s weird–we broke up right around the time I quit my restaurant job, so I suddenly feel very “free.” That sounds cheesy, but it does feel significant that for the first time in my life I don’t have a boss, I have no obligation to be anywhere at any specific time, I don’t have to tell anyone what I’m doing or where I’m going, and I don’t feel tied to anyone or anything. Everyday I wake up and think, “I can do whatever I want.” It’s sort of cool, except recently the “whatever I want” has been getting drunk on vodka martinis and having accidental group sex, which is not very productive, I know, but I just got out of a 2.5 year relationship so give me a break.

In ogni Viagra generico caso se tu paziente hai bisogno e la correttezza dell’iter registrativo, condizione conosciuta come FSAD, durevole, che contribuisce al godimento continuo del rapporto sessuale. Grazie a questa sostanza non hai più problemi con i fastidiosi problemi di erezione, firmati da Rsu e sindacati. Il cliente ha votato il prodotto ma non ha scritto una recensione o il problema è che sono anfotere, 12 compresse di garza idrofila in tessuto non tessuto.

I have lots of things to tell you (and by “you” I mean a group of random internet people I don’t know–blogging is weird), but I’ll limit this blog post to two stories. Story 1: I was recently set up on a blind double date by a friend of mine–I’ll call her “Kate.” Kate is dating this older rich guy who she really likes, and she asked if she could set me up with his friend–a funny, handsome, divorced entrepreneur. She said, “He’s fifty but he doesn’t seem fifty. He seems, like, young.” I said a young-seeming fifty year old sounded fabulous, and that as long as there would be martinis (low carb) I was down. Plans were then made for a Monday night double-date at a restaurant in the West Village. Unexpectedly, the night before our dinner I got a text from my blind date saying, “What’s your address? I will be sending my driver to pick you up,” which was an early positive sign. I couldn’t help but think of Big from Sex and The City, who (embarrassingly?) was my only mental reference for a person with a personal chauffeur.

When I got to the restaurant I was sort of nervous because I’d never been on a blind date before, but the guy was totally hot–tall, dark haired, Jewish (my fave)–and I immediately thought, thank fuck. So we were drinking at the bar and the three of them were sort of drunk already, and I was like, “How did you guys get drunk so fast?” and my guys says, “We took Quaaludes, you want one?” So obviously I said, “Uhh… I thought those stopped existing in the 80s” and he responded, “They did, but I have my own chemist who makes me whatever I want.” At this point I thought, score.

So we ate dinner and drank more, and by the end of the meal things were sort of fuzzy in a good way. Then suddenly Kate’s boyfriend suggested we get a penthouse suite at the St. Regis hotel to “hang out” in. I thought that was sort of weird, since both guys have apartments in Manhattan, but I was like whatever. So we get to the hotel and they ask for the penthouse and the hotel guy says, “That will be $5,500” and they pay for it like no big deal. Meanwhile I’m standing in the lobby drunk and barefoot, holding my high heels, with my eyes 75% closed because of all the downers.

In the room suddenly more pills and champagne appeared, along with casual stuff like chocolate covered strawberries and silver platters covered in miniature cakes. And then we got more wasted and had an orgy (duh) which at one point involved me getting fucked and sucking dick at the same time (life goal achieved), and I don’t know… a bunch of other stuff happened that I can’t really remember, but I know it was fun. And then in the morning Kate and I woke up alone because the guys had both gone to work, but since we both don’t have “real jobs” we just laid in bed all day and ordered room service. At one point Kate said, “God, isn’t it so much better dating guys who aren’t indie?,” and I laughed and agreed and then we high-fived in slow motion.

But moving on, story 2: I have also been dating a girl. (OH MY GOD I’M GREY AREA.) I suppose it’s not that weird, as I’ve been sleeping with women casually for years, but this is different because it’s not just a one-off sex thing–it’s been going on for months, and there are “feelings” (eww) involved. Seriously though, I never thought I would actually date a girl. I just couldn’t imagine myself being into the dynamic, because both in sex and in sexual relationships I tend to be ultra submissive and crave male dominant energy. However, this girl looks and acts like a boy, so it works out! (Actually she sort of looks like my ex–awkward.) What’s cool is that she has all the qualities I look for in guys (dominant, tall, in control, wants to bend me over stuff and spank me, etc.), except she has the sensitivity of a woman (good), and is just generally less of an arrogant dickhead than most men (also good).

For real though, she does make me feel “confused.” Like for the first couple weeks, every time we would hang out or have sex, I couldn’t get rid of this constant voice in my head going, “I’m dating a girl, I’m dating a girl, I’m dating a girl.” It was like I was too hyper-aware of what was going on to be fully present in the moment. But I got over that and now all I think is OH MY FUCKING GOD THE SEX IS SO GOOD. Seriously, having sex with a girl makes sex with men seem so dumb. It’s like duh, obviously girls are going to be better at making girls cum, because they know what they’re working with. I cum every time we have sex, usually multiple times. That’s craaaazy to me. (Sex and orgasms TOGETHER–what the!?) Like I bought a strap-on because I was like, “This is what lesbians do, right?” but we barely even use it because I legit don’t miss dicks when we fuck. And if I really missed what it felt like to be fucked by a dick, I could always just go to the bathroom and insert a tampon :)

Jackass Presents: A Slutever Bad Grandpa Special

Finally! A new episode of the VICE Slutever show, yay! It’s been over a year since the last one, so it’s about time, really. This particular episode is a Slutever special, presented by Jackass and Bad Grandpa (aka the new Johnny Knoxville movie).

In this episode I move to LA to become famous, like my idol Anna Nicole Smith. Things take a random turn when I meet the world’s baddest grandpa, Irving Zisman, at a tantric sex cult meeting. Things get dirty… 

Many thanks to the wonderful crew of ladiez who I worked alongside to make this: director/producer Adri Murguia; editor Martina de Alba; editor Lessa Millet; graphics master Angie Sullivan