Hi! I’m, well… I’ll call myself Claire. I grew up in LA, but I currently live in New York, where I work in a gallery. I’m 26, and have been a sugar baby for three years now. I suppose my years as a sugar baby have resulted in some pretty interesting experiences–everything from you’re average upscale, mundane dinners where I pretend to care about the stock market for the sake of my date, to ridiculous penthouse orgies, to awkwardly hot Swedish-maid role-plays. I’m used to it now, so it all seems pretty standard to me. However, Karley recently interviewed me, and seemed to think my stories are interesting enough to support an ongoing diary-style column, so, here we go! Continue reading “Intro: Secret Diary of a Sugar Baby”
One minute Lula was having an innocent conversation with a stranger at an art gallery, and the next a circle of European businessmen was sending her designer dresses, paying her to party, and feeding her glamorous junk food.
It’s like a modern-day Cinderella story—minus the part about being a servant. Read my latest Sugar Babies column for Vice HERE :)
A few weeks ago I wrote a post where I recommended 5 wonderful pieces of internet that I felt had made me a smarter and/or happier person, or at least someone who’d be more interesting to talk to at a dinner party. You guys seemed to like it, so I’m doing it again. So, if you’re looking for a way to spend the precious final hours of this winter holiday, I suggest you watch, read and/or listen to the below:
1. Nick Broomfield’s Fetishes
Fetishes is a film made by the famous British documentarian, Nick Broomfield, in 1996. Personally, it was one of my first extensive introductions to BDSM. It was filmed at Pandora’s Box, the most elegant and infamous S&M parlor in New York, and it’s extremely informative–you will learn about everything from Domme/slave relationships, to rubber, to infantilism, to asphyxiation, to mummification–and it’s also beautifully shot, and incredibly funny. And it’s important to be informed about this stuff because duh, everyone is going to be talking about BDSM in 2015, aka the year of the 50 Shades movie! And lucky for you, the film is now fully available to watch on Youtube, yay!
2. The Happy Hooker
This is one of my fave books ever, obvi–it makes the perfect birthday gift for your slutty friends! It was written in 1971 by the amazing Xaviera Hollander. The book is Hollander’s memoir, and talks in amazing and hysterical detail about everything from her first sexual experiences, to becoming one of New York’s highest paid prostitutes, to eventually becoming the madam of New York’s most upscale brothel… until she was eventually deported from the USA on the grounds of “moral turpitude” (tragic). Hollander also wrote a famous advice column for Penthouse magazine called Call Me Madam, which ran for 30 years. The Happy Hooker is considered a landmark of sex-positive writing (my hero!). I suggest you run out and buy it now!
3. Radiolab’s “Patient Zero”
Most of you are probably familiar with the podcast Radiolab. I admittedly only started listening to it regularly a few months ago, but in my recent bing this episode was definitely my favorite. “Patient Zero” explores the single figure at the genesis of an outbreak–the person who sets it all in motion–by looking at some of the most iconic Patient Zeros of all time: Typhoid Mary, the genesis of the AIDS epidemic, the origins of the Ebola outbreak, and it also asks: who invented the high-five?
4. Camille Paglia interviewed by Bill Maher
Camille might be the most controversial feminist of all time, and some of her ideas are insane and kinda nonsensical, but I can’t help but love her. This interview she did in 1995 with Bill Maher on the show Politically Incorrect–about feminism, and many other things–is one of my favorites she’s ever done.
5. “Prey,” an essay by Kathleen Hale
This incredible essay is an upsetting but important read. In it, writer Kathleen Hale describes the incident of her college rape, the ensuing two-year-long rape trial, and how she went from prey to predator. Hers is an incredibly important story, especially now, in light of the current backlash against colleges for their continued mishandling of rape cases. You can read here essay HERE.
p.s. If you want to buy one of my lovely Slutever Vaj T-Shirts (featured on me in the Happy Hooker pic) you can still do so. Details on how to buy one HERE.
The below was originally written as part of my “Sugar Babies” column for VICE.
Tammy is 29 and lives in a suburb of Richmond, Virginia. As a day job, she works in the music industry, but she’s been been supplementing her income as a sugar baby for a few years now. We became internet friends about a year ago when she submitted an advice question to Ask Slutever, asking “When is the appropriate time to tell a guy you’re dating that you moonlight as a sex worker?”
God, being a modern woman is so hard…
What’s a first date with a sugar daddy usually like for you?
Tammy: First, we meet in public. It’s safer that way and it’s good to hang out, because I’m not going to commit to seeing someone once a week if I don’t like spending time with him. So it’salmost like a first date. But when you meet someone off a sugar daddy site, it’s an arrangement—it’s not a “regular” date—so you’re suppose to do something special for your SB. It’s normally a good sign if the guy brings you a gift on the first meeting—one guy gave me an iPad, a lot of guys will give you like $100 for showing up to eat with them, or maybe a nice bottle of liquor whatever. I have to drive to some of my meetings—either into Richmond, which takes 30 minutes, or to Northern Virginia which is over an hour—so if you’re not going to throw me something to compensate for the time and money it took to travel, then you’re not going to be a good sugar daddy, ya know?
When you started being a sugar baby, was being wined and dined part of the experience you were looking for?
Honestly, not really. I was looking more to meet in hotels, or at one of our homes. Most of the guys are married, so in a smaller, rural area like where I live, it’s hard for them to go out in public. And I don’t want to run into anyone I know, either. My friends all hang out at the local bars and restaurants downtown, so I normally suggest we meet at chain restaurants: Ruby Tuesday, Outback Steakhouse, Chili’s, etc.
Those places can be fun occasionally though. Like when I go visit my parents they always want to go to Applebee’s, and I don’t argue because once in a while, a giant plate of boneless chicken wings covered in bleu cheese dressing is a really good thing.
Yeah, exactly, I like eating at those places, and my friends would never agree to go with me because they’re not, like, vegan or organic and don’t have gluten-free options or whatever. Also, those chains are always well populated, so it feels really safe. I like Outback because it’s a bit darker in there; places like Ruby Tuesday and Applebee’s are always lit so brightly and it’s really unflattering.
Whats your favorite dish at Ruby Tuesday?
I love their fish tacos, and their “Ruby Relaxer” drink is probably the best thing on the menu. It’s some ridiculous pink rum drink. I like to order really awful, girly drinks on sugar dates, like expensive mai tais. I don’t like to eat anything that’s particularly messy because I dont want to be wearing my food when I leave, so I usually order something somewhat decent that I can eat with a fork and knife—a chicken entrée rather than a sandwich. Although I guess the fish tacos are an exception.
There’s definitely some food that’s just not OK for dates, like spaghetti or anything with tiny seeds that end up in your teeth. I’ve had some scarring experiences with tabbouleh.
Right, like I wouldnt eat wings. There’s no cute way to eat a chicken wing.
What are the must-haves at Chili’s and Outback Steakhouse?
At Chili’s, I love the chicken crispers. They’re totally packed with MSG and are so bad for you, but they’re amazing. And there’s something about a Bloomin’ Onion from Outback that will forever taste like my childhood. Outback also has a great ahi tuna appetizer that I love to get down on. If I go to Outback or Texas Steakhouse, I’ll get the best steak, like the filet mignon, and salad and a potato.
I know chain restaurants aren’t “trendy,” but overall do you think the quality is alright?
I mean, they’re not serving you something local and organic—it’s usually mass produced and brought in frozen—but that’s what most Americans eat. It’s decent, mid-level food like chicken and burgers. When my parents come to town, they don’t go to the smaller, local places that only serve organically farmed beef. They go to Olive Garden. And most Americans would consider that, like Red Lobster, upper-end food. That’s the best that most of small town America has to offer.
And there’s a familiarity to those chains that I think people really enjoy—like you live in Georgia and eat Red Lobster, then you go on vacation to Florida and eat there and it give you a sense of home.
Exactly, and it’s going to be the same everywhere, so you know exactly what to get.
So is one chain thought to be classier than the others in the South?
The ones we talked about are all about the same. But there’s also a company called Great American Restaurants, which runs a handful of mini-chains and one-off restaurants all located in Northern Virginia. Those are more high-end—like an entrée might be $25. For example, there’s Coastal Flats, which is like a super high-end Red Lobster with amazing crab chowder, and Sweetwater Tavern, which has delicious bread and fantastic cocktails. And the decorations are amazing. They have giant black jellyfish everywhere. It’s great. But there’s way more money in Northern Virginia because it’s all government and people who work in DC, so they might not consider those restaurants to be as classy as people from Southern Virginia would.
Do you ever eat fast food on sugar dates?
No. Although I dated this one SD who I’d make bring me Chipotle whenever he’d come to my house.
How old are your SDs usually?
They’re usually in their 40s. Although I had one guy who was around 60. He was my first ever SD, and I met him in this small, traditional Southern diner. I had fried chicken, fried potatoes, coleslaw, and sweet tea. That’s the great thing about being chubby: You can go out and not worry about eating all the food and all the sides you want because the guy clearly want to be with someone bigger. Sometimes I even order dessert too, and they usually think it’s adorable.
What’s your craziest SD story?
OK this is strange: Last week I met a guy in Richmond who paid me $2,500, who says he wants to see me four times a month. It seems too good to be true, but he really weirds me out, honestly. He was really specific about wanting to see a bigger girl, but one who isn’t gross, and he wants to be able to say derogatory things to me, like having me to dance for him while he called me names.
Whoa, that’s crazy, but an insane amount of money. Can you get into the dominant/submissive element of it?
I don’t actually like being called names. In the heat of the moment, yeah, sometimes I can get into you calling me names, but when you’re just text messaging me mean things at 2 PM on a Wednesday, it’s kind of weird. At first I wasn’t sure I wanted to go through with it, but then I was like, well… I wear a size 16, and you’re paying me to be here, so in reality I guess I am a fat whore, so let’s go with this…
Yeah, I guess it’s good to be rational in situations like that. So, living in the South, are a lot of your SDs very religious and conservative?
Not really. They probably identify as Christian, but the ones I’ve dealt with haven’t been too extreme. My friend—who was sort of my escort mentor when I got into sex work—has a long-term sugar daddy who’s super Republican and baptist, and she finds him so annoying and hypocritical. He once put her up in this bed and breakfast near his house over the Christmas holiday, and would periodically come over and have sex with her, even on Christmas day. But he’s been supporting her for years, so she deals with him. I had one SD who was pretty clearly closeted. We didn’t have sex—he just wanted company—but he was really fun. He’d buy my Jeffrey Campbell shoes and take me to Outback.
In the last sugar baby column I interviewed a girl who was referring to her sugar daddies as “clients,” which caused an angry commenter to respond “Sugar babies aren’t escorts. A benefactor isn’t a client.” What do you think?
I don’t know, it’s a grey area. The difference to me is that I communicate openly with my sugar daddies. They know where I’m from, where I work, and intimate details about my life, whereas hourly escort clients, who I’ve seen as well, don’t know anything about me, like not even my real name. With sugar daddies, you form more lasting relationships. We text each other about what we’re up to. I definitely prefer it to straight-up escorting.
John Turturro’s new movie, Fading Gigolo, stars him as a hooker and Woody Allen as his pimp. The movie is really sweet, and sends what I think is a great message about sex work. I recently interviewed Turturro for The Guardian, and we had an interesting discussion about selling sex that you can read by clicking HERE.P.S. Sorry my blog has mainly become just a bunch of links to read my stuff other places, but a girl’s gotta make some $$$!
The below was originally written as part of my “Sugar Babies” column for VICE:
Madeline is a 24-year-old artist living in New York. She’s been supplementing her income by dating men she meets on sugar daddy websites for over three years. I interviewed Madeline about her nightly exploits about a year ago, and we’ve since become close friends. She’s always making me jealous with all her stories about the fancy restaurants and bars she goes to on her sugar dates, and she knows more about fine dining menus and upscale hotels than anyone else I know, so I thought she’d be the perfect person to kick off Sugar Babies. Now we can all live vicariously through her stomach.
MUNCHIES: The general idea is that what separates a sugar baby from an escort is that sugar relationships are more like actual dating, whereas escorts just have sex for cash. Does that mean you always get fed before sex?
Madeline: Dates usually involve dinner, yeah. Or at least drinks. Most sugar daddies—or the good ones, anyway—understand that the sugar experience is supposed to be extravagant, kind of like a fantasy, so you get to go to some pretty nice restaurants. Over time, you start to learn that the restaurant a sugar daddy chooses for a first date is a good way to gauge his taste, and also how comfortable he is with spending money—it’s like a screening process. This one guy recently messaged me through a sugar daddy website asking if I wanted to meet him at a juice bar in the East Village… like, shoot me. The point is to take me somewhere I can’t go in my normal life, to impress me. I mean, if it’s not at least three dollar signs on Zagat, I’m not showing up.
What’s an example of a sugar daddy who went out of his way to impress you?
Well, I once had a client who was from a royal family in Saudi Arabia. He was married, so he flew me to meet him in Paris and put me in the Royal Monceau Hotel, which is so gorgeous. It was designed by Philippe Starck, who designs high-concept, luxurious hotels around the world—like he did the Delano in Miami, for example. The Royal Monceau feels a bit like the set of a David Lynch movie; there are these hallways with stripes running circularly around the walls, ceiling and carpet, with mirrors at either end. When I arrived to the room there was a bottle of Dom Perignon from my birth year (1989) on the bed. Apparently, 1989 is a really good year for wine, so that’s been “a thing” with some of my clients. When they find out my age they bring me ‘89 champagne.
Where did he take you to eat in Paris?
The first night, we went to a French restaurant called L’Ambroisie, in Place Vosges. Realistically, there are few non-French restaurants in Paris; the French aren’t big on variety. So L’Ambroisie has three Michelin stars and is really decadent and indulgent, but it’s kind of too much, actually—the total opposite of subtle. Like if you leaned forward in your chair to stand up, one of the staff would run over and move your chair for you. Every review I read of the place was like, “This is where people go to flash their cash—not because it’s the best food or the best experience, but because it’s the highest price tag in the city.”
So was the food bad?
I mean, you’d have one bite of something and be like, “that tasted nice,” but if you were to eat a full serving of any of it you’d feel sick because it’s so decadent. The Saudi guy was a very alpha-male type, so he ordered for me—he didn’t even look at me to see what I wanted. It was a twelve-course meal and everything had so much cream and caviar and gold flakes in it. I thought I was going to die.
Like literal flakes of gold?
I guess… like edible gold though, who fucking knows. I remember one course was foraged wild mushrooms that had been boiled in cream for five hours. It tasted like a weird, savory cappuccino. There were also soft-boiled eggs filled with caviar.
Ugggh, how do you have sex after that? I’d feel so fat and unsexy.
We had sex before we went to dinner. He was thinking ahead.
Phew. So what’s an example of a sugar date that felt extravagant, but in a more subtle way?
I like Jean-Georges in New York. It’s sophisticated and elegant, but the staff aren’t up your ass the entire time. The restaurant is on the ground floor of the Trump Tower. You know a sugar daddy is legit if he takes you to Jean-Georges and then tells you he lives upstairs.
Oh, I know Jean Georges because Samantha goes there on a date in Sex and the City. Who took you there?
He was an Indian lawyer. He was really young, actually, like 35. Most of my clients are in their 40s and 50s. It was his first time meeting someone from the sugar daddy site, so he was really giggly and nervous, and he kept talking about how India has a “super butter”—they boil butter and remove the extra liquid and just keep super fat; I think it’s called ghee or something. After dinner he gave me the really cliché sugar daddy line of “You have to come upstairs see the art in my apartment.” So I went up, and all the apartments at the Trump have crazy views of Central Park. He fucked me up against the window, obviously.
Hot. Do you remember the first time you were taken out for a really nice meal, when you felt like, “Wow, I never would have thought I would eat here”?
The first time I felt that was at Nobu, the Japanese restaurant in Tribeca. The sushi is amazing, but in hindsight it’s not even that crazy nice or unattainable. That was a few years ago, when I would have never spent $50 on a meal for myself. There was a point when my goal was never to spend more than $7 on food ever, like, ‘Why would I buy a glass of wine for $12 when I could buy a whole bottle of wine for $3 at Trader Joe’s?’ But now I’m an idiot with money, because it feels so disposable to me. When you’re handed $1k for one evening of easy work, you’re a lot more frivolous with your money than if you worked long and hard for it.
Who did you go to Nobu with?
Someone off Craigslist, actually. There was a time when I was going on a lot of dates with guys just for the dinners—so I wasn’t having sex with them—just because I wanted to try different restaurants. There are sometimes rich guys on Craigslist who post ads asking girls out for fancy dinners, because they’re lonely or have expense accounts or whatever. The first time I went to the Four Seasons was from a Craigslist ad actually. I remember cracking up in my head while sitting at the Four Seasons in my Louboutins eating oysters, sitting across from this tiny little bald man.
But isn’t that a major red flag? Like, “Hey I’m a hot blonde with a troll at one of the most expensive restaurants in the city.”
Yeah, but I can get off on that. I think it’s kind of hot that people know, or that they’re wondering what’s going on, or making assumptions. I don’t really care what a room of strangers thinks about me for an hour. I once winked at a guy and his wife who kept turning back to stare at me.
Lol. So what’s one of your favorite restaurants in New York?
I really love Milos, a Greek restaurant in Midtown. They have amazing fish—I always get market fish or some kind of raw fish. There’s some kind of baby octopus appetizer that’s incredible, too. My favorite thing about Milos is that when you ask about the wine, if you’re not savvy enough to know what every bottle is, if you describe what you want, they’ll bring you three different glasses and let you sample them so you end up getting something you really like. Also, Milos is really spacious with a lively atmosphere, and as an escort you learn that it’s best not to go to really mellow places where you’re shoulder-to-shoulder with other tables, because you inevitably end up having conversations that you don’t want other people to hear.
Do you sometimes negotiate the money over dinner?
Often, yeah—if it’s the first date. Actually, one of my dates at Milos was with an Academy Award-winning documentarian. It was a threesome thing, so I was there with one of my girlfriends who I escort with sometimes. So we told they guy that it’s going to be $1k each and he was like, “Well, I don’t know how much money I have on me.” It’s so annoying when guys are unprepared—like, how stupid are you that you didn’t remember to bring cash to meet your hooker? So my friend was like, “Well, I guess you’re going to have to go to the bathroom to count your money, aren’t you?” It was so funny. He shuffled off with his briefcase to count his cash in the bathroom stall.
One client actually paid me at the table. He told me it really turned him on to pass a girl a wad of cash under the table, and to know that it was making her panties wet. He’s a player who likes the idea of super slutty girls who would do anything for money. I don’t mind getting into that role play.
Where was that?
Well he told me that at Pravda, this subterranean Russian vodka bar in Nolita. He was really into martinis. And then the money was at Masa, which is this really amazing, insanely high priced Japanese restaurant in Columbus Circle. I like eating there because they have these cool Japanese toilettes with a bidet in them, which are really useful for cleaning your vag before sex, ha!
So do you always dress up?
I do. It plays into the fantasy experience I was talking about. For the first date I always try to wear something that shows cleavage and is fitted, but is still sophisticated and expensive looking. Around the third date you can tone it down a bit and wear something “cooler.” I’d never wear a mini skirt or anything really slutty because while I do like getting looks, I don’t want to get looks for being a cheap hooker. I want to get looks that say, “I could never afford her.”
Good tip! Have you ever been taken to eat somewhere really awful?
I once went to meet a client in Atlanta. He’s really sweet and has a lot of money, but he just has no taste for food or clothing, mainly because he just doesn’t care. So he told me we were going to Pappadeaux, and I’d never been to Atlanta so I didn’t know what anything was, and we show up and it’s this awful chain restaurant with a logo of a cartoon crustacean. It wasn’t as bad as Wendy’s, but it was the kind of place where there are stand-up menus with pictures of hurricane drinks. I obviously wouldn’t mind going there in my regular life, but I’d flown to Atlanta, and I was way overdressed in this Missoni dress and stilettos, and the guy next to us was literally wearing a bib for his oyster sauce [laughs]. And my date was just like, “Isn’t this great? So tasty!” He was so happy.
Rose is a 27 year old escort living in rural Tennessee. She’s been in the business for three years, and also works an office job. I talked to her about the challenges of being a sex worker in a small town, and living a double life.
How and why did you get into escorting?
Rose: I’ve actually had an interest in doing it since I was young. Then, a few years ago I became friends with a girl and one night we drank a bunch and she ended up telling me about her sugar daddy who takes care of her bills, eventually as we became good friends she told me she also was an escort and started telling me about her Johns. I thought the job sounded really intriguing, and like an easy want to make money. She helped me get started, and showed me an escort website where you can post personal ads.
It’s funny, I’ve talked to a lot of sex workers and many of them say something similar–that sex work something they’d always wanted to do. Sort of like how if you ask a doctor about her job she’ll say, “I’ve always been interested in medicine.”
Yeah lol, it’s a total calling. Plus I’m not a person who makes emotional attachments through sex–it’s just a physical thing for me. Of course sex can be emotional, and I do enjoy having sex with people I have actual feelings for, but I’m also good at detaching. I don’t think most of my friends could do this job.
So if you have an office job, and don’t “need” money, is escorting just for thrills?
Honestly, sometimes I feel like I only have a legitimate job to cover for my greasy side work, and keep my family and friends from asking too many questions. I lead what some would call a double life. I’m attractive, I work, I’m popular in my area, but I also enjoy having my lifestyle paid for by men who go weak for a blonde with a Southern accent.
I know you live in a small town. Is it easy to make money escorting there?
Not at all. I live in the middle of nowhere in Tennessee–Nashville and Memphis are each two hours away–so it’s not the most reliable place to make money. There’s a lot of work in Nashville and Memphis, but that involves four hours of round trip travel, and then half the guys are flakes, so I like to arrange multiple appointments over a couple days if I’m going to make the time and effort to travel. Still, a lot of the time it’s a wasted effort and I end up spending more money than I make. But occasionally it works out. A lot of the time I arrange to work together with my escort friend who I mentioned–we’ll go to Memphis or Nashville together, which means we save money on gas and hotels. If I see clients in my hometown, they tend to be men who are traveling on business. But I don’t really like to work here too much, because it’s such a small, sleepy town, so it’s hard for me to walk into a Hampton Inn because I literally might know the person working behind the counter. Gossip here travels fast. Plus my parents live here–my dad owns a small business, and actually one of my clients owns a company that he buys goods from, so it’s risky business, really.
Have you ever used a sugar daddy website to meet clients, rather than a straight-up escort site?
I have, but they aren’t my favorite. A sugar daddy site once resulted in the biggest debacle I’ve ever gotten myself into.
Well, the guy lived in New York and was CFO of a major TV news station, and he bought me a train ticket to visit him. I normally wouldn’t have gone, but I was already planning to come to New York to visit my friend, so I figured I might as well make money while I was there. So I ended up missing my train and getting there three hours later expected, at 8pm. He had a car pick me up at the station which brought me to wherever he lived in Brooklyn, which I quickly realized wasn’t a nice part of town, and then his apartment was crappy and rodent infested, and we literally had takeout for dinner.
Eww, NO. Takeout is so depressing.
I know! So I spent the night and I blew him but I was like, “I’m not having actual sex with you because you haven’t given me any money yet or fed me properly.” So the next morning we woke up and I asked what he had planned for us that evening, and he was like, “Actually I don’t think is going to work out, you should just stay with you friend.” And I was like, “Well, what about my money?” And he goes, “I’m sure you’ll figure something out.” Like… thanks dude.
That’s heinous. From what I’ve heard, that’s what can be weird about sugar daddy sites–the money-for-time exchange isn’t as clear cut. Men who hire escorts know they have to pay by the hour, but sugar daddies want pseudo girlfriends–so basically a “non sex worker”–because they want to feel like they’re just helping a girl out, rather than paying for sex. But sometimes they can abuse that ambiguity.
Yeah, that’s what’s annoying about those sites, because it’s like, I am a call girl, I am an escort. On sugar daddy sites it’s really hard for me to draw the line between not wanting to sound like a professional, and making sure I get paid well. Plus those guy can be so needy too. I had one sugar daddy who wanted to text me constantly, and ask how my day was. I was like “Ugh, I don’t want to tell you how my day was!” And the weirdest part was that I think he was gay, so I never even slept with him. I would only kiss him on the cheek.
Do you think he wanted you to be his “beard” or whatever?
Well no, because we never went out in public. I just went to his house. He had a really awesome, old Victorian house with a giant wrap-around porch that we would sit on and drink beer. He gave me a $700 iPad on our first date, and he bought me a really nice collection of Jeffrey Campbell shoes that I don’t really know what to do with.
How do you juggle your real life relationships with your work? Do you tell guys on the first date about your job? Do you keep it a secret? What’s the protocol?
Juggling a relationship is complicated. In my personal sex life I generally have about five people at one time who I’m talking to, but I don’t commit to any of them because I’ve realized I just don’t want to be in a monogamous relationship. Generally, I don’t tell them about my job. There was one guy who was my primary hook-up for a year, and he would absolutely die if he knew I did any of this while I was with him–which I did, a lot. However, if I get to a point where I actually want to be in a relationship, the person will have to know and be OK with my work, because I don’t want to lie again. Basically, any guy who wants a traditional, monogamous relationship is instantly a no.
Have you ever met a guy, told him what you do, and he didn’t care?
Yeah, there’s one guy I’ve been seeing pretty casually for years, and he knows what I do and likes it. He has a thing for getting with total strangers, which I think is hot, and he think it’s hot that I get paid, so we enjoy talking about that. We probably could make so much money if we worked as a pair, but he refuses. He has a good job so he doesn’t need to make extra money.
Do you think working as an escort fulfills your sexual needs? Like maybe if you weren’t doing this you’d be more interested in having a conventional boyfriend, because you wouldn’t be getting so much sex and attention?
I kinda of feel like the three years of escorting has deterred me from ever wanting a conventional relationship again. Society wants to put you in a box, and tell you to be with one person, but then at work I see so many married men who are cheating on their wives, and they’re all so unhappy. Most of the time I have to sit there for an hour and listen to them talk about how they’re married to women who don’t appreciate them, who don’t have sex with them, who just take their money. And meanwhile they’re paying me $300 to listen to them. It makes me feel bad for them. I’ve actually been married before, when I was 21, but I got divorced when I was 23. We were together for 6 years.
Wow, 21 is young.
Yeah but it’s completely normal where I’m from–that’s how I got trapped into it. At 22 I had a career, a boyfriend, a perfect house and a nice car–the life some people dream of–but I was so unhappy. I didn’t have any friends, because all my old friends were going to college, so I would just come home from work and make dinner. Six months into being married my husband lived in the basement and I lived upstairs. We didn’t even talk anymore.
So there were two years in between your divorce and when you started doing sex work?
Yeah, it was weird because I was 23 and I’d never been on a real date before, and I’d only ever had sex with one person. It was basically like being 15 again. I ended up going to school–I have three college degrees. I dated people and made friends. It took me a minute to ease into having sex with other people because it seemed so strange after only having seen one person naked ever. But it’s been pretty easy since then.
Do you ever enjoy sex with clients?
I definitely like it sometimes, because I don’t care what they think about how I look, so I’m really uninhibited, whereas I get nervous and uptight around people I actually like.
Do you ever find being a prostitute degrading?
I don’t. I actually find it semi-empowering that there are people willing to pay money and buy me nice things just to hang out with for me an hour. I’m really nothing special–I’m just a small town girl with an office job who’s never done anything really spectacular.
Have you ever had any weird requests from clients?
Oh yeah. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this whole experience, it’s that people are just weird. But I kind of enjoy that. Probably my favorite part about getting into this industry has been learning about all the weird things that get people off, and how unique and special people really are. I had this one guy who liked to be humiliated–he didn’t want me to let him touch me, which is fine because I prefer that. So we would go out to lunch or dinner, and I would wear something really nice and low cut to draw attention. He totally got off on other people were looking at us, thinking he wasn’t good enough to be out with me. Then we’d go back to the hotel room and I would videotape him masturbating while I told him he could never touch me.
Lol, that’s like being a dominatrix–I’ve done Domme sessions similar to that. So have you ever been really broke and done anything “drastic” to make money?
Not too drastic, but there was a month where I was between job and I needed money really bad, so I put an ad up on the ‘casual encounters’ section of Craigslist that was like “I need help, I’m traveling through the area and my car broke down, blah blah blah.” In two hours I got sixty responses. Over the next week I met three of the guys at hotels for sex, only one of which could actually perform, and made almost $2,000. I told each of them that my car needed a $600 repair and they all gave it to me.
Do your friends know what you do? Are they judgmental?
My good friends know, but I usually phrase it like I have a “sugar daddy” rather than that I’m a prostitute, ya know? I haven’t been able to tell my guy friends at all really–I find that they’re more judgmental than the girls. But I had one female friend get really judgmental on me when I did the Craigslist thing, and told me my job was degrading. But I was just like, “Well if that’s how you feel then we can’t be friends, because I think it’s degrading that you’re almost 30 and live with your parents. At least I make money and have my own place.”
You said you feel empowered by what you do. But have there ever been any moments when you felt bad, or you questioned what you were doing?
I usually feel a bit apprehensive before an appointment, but I really haven’t had any “bad experiences.” I mean, I’ve definitely had to sleep with my fair share of men that weren’t attractive–like really fat or really old, or really small dicks–but for me escorting is just a job, and I far prefer it to other jobs I’ve had, like when I worked in a deli and had to bread fried chicken. I was like, “Eww, I don’t want to do this, I hate my life!” But I don’t feel like that now. Still, I don’t imagine myself doing this forever.p.s. You can read my interview with a New York City escort here.
Belle is a 23-year-old prostitute. She’s been selling sex for more than two years, primarily sleeping with men she meets through sugar daddy websites. She talked to me about her life sleeping with Saudi princes, attending paid orgies, and the truth about men who pay for sex.
Slutever: So how long have you been fucking people for money?
Belle: Since I was 20. For a long time before that I’d had a prostitution fetish. I was living in London at the time, working as a nanny, and basically I crashed the family’s car. So I was looking on Craigslist for babysitting gigs to make extra cash to help them pay for it, and I noticed there were a few ads from older men looking for a “rendezvous.” Most of them were like sixty years old, but there was one guy who was 32 and offering £500 for an hour, so I emailed him and was like, “I’ve never done anything like this before, I have no idea if I’m even capable, but I’m interested.”
He was very polite and eased me through the whole thing. I asked him a million questions—literally down to “Do I have to act into you?” He just made me feel really comfortable. So I went through with it and I really, really liked it.
You just went and fucked him at his house or something?
No, we got a hotel. But basically after that I knew I could psychologically handle having sex for money–it wasn’t just a fantasy anymore. And then I came across an article about sugar daddy websites, and so I made a profile on one of the sites, just to see if the daddies were only looking for supermodel types, and I got loads to replies. That was more than two years ago, and I’ve been doing it ever since.
So you see sugar daddies, and you also work for an escort agency, right?
Yeah, but I only do the agency when I’m low on cash, because it’s a sure thing, and I know I can definitely make a certain amount in a night. Working for the agency is more standard prostitution–you’re given a driver/bodyguard who drives you around the city in a black car, and you see multiple clients in a row, who are all pre-booked for you by the Madam. But I’d much rather see an SD. It’s classier and more fun.
So what types of guys do you meet through sugar daddy sites and what do they want from you?
There’s generally two types of guys—I’ve nicknamed them. There’s the ‘Bleeding Heart,’ and the ‘Contract Sugar Daddy.’ The ‘Bleeding Heart’ actually thinks he’s in a relationship with you and wants you to generally be attracted to him, and wants to spend time together and for you to have sex with him. Those types are always like, “I’m always really generous with my girlfriends so I don’t see why this is any different. I would take care of you anyway, so the fact that we met on this site doesn’t make a difference for me,” sort of thing. Sometimes they even want you not to see other people. And the Contract Sugar Daddies are more business about it, and pay you a set fee each time they see you, or give you an “allowance” of a set amount each month.
So with the Bleeding Heart types do you have to “act” a bit more?
Yeah, you need to cuddle, you need to sleep over.
You sleep over? Eww.
I know it’s really awful, I hate doing it. I can’t sleep! But I tried the whole, “I can’t sleep over, I don’t sleep well” thing, but sometimes they won’t call you back if you don’t. I feel like I’ve missed out on some opportunities by not sleeping over. I’m thinking of investing in sleeping aids.
I feel like I’d be scared the guy would murder me in my sleep.
I think by the time you’ve been comfortable enough to lock yourself in a room with someone and get naked, you’ve committed. And by the way, guys you meet in bars for one-night-stands can murder you in your sleep too! I’d rather not sleep over, but if it means getting a more reliable SD then I’ll do it.
So have you ever met an SD who you were legitimately into?
Definitely. There was this one guy who was a Saudi prince. He flew me to Paris first-class and put me in a five star hotel. When I got there, there were four dozen roses and a bottle of Dom Perignon from my birth year. And at that point I hadn’t even talked to him on the phone, we had just emailed and sent pictures. When I finally saw him in person I was nervous because he was so good looking. He looked like Aladdin. His deal was that he wanted to meet me in Paris once every other month and he would give me 30 grand over a six month period.
That’s crazy. So what happened?
We had dinner and then went up to the room and fucked a couple of times. I was really into it but he was kind of insecure like, “I know I’m good but I’m not that good.” I felt like I had hit the jackpot.
So did the 6 months deal pan out?
Well, no. What happened was that he gave me five grand on the first night, and the next morning he went to Cannes to do renovations on a house. So I just stayed in Paris, and he was like, “Charge everything to the hotel and I’ll take care of it,” so I invited friends over and we would just order room service and watch TV and jump on the bed. But after a few days, when he still wasn’t back, I got an email saying, “I’m sorry darling, this is my first transgression against my wife and I don’t feel good about it.” It was totally fair enough, but it sucked as well!
So do you have a reliable SD now?
I’ve been seeing a lot of this one guy who runs a fashion company. He wants to dress me up as his doll and put me in high fashion shit, so that’s cool. He’s really fun to hang out with, and actually sort of has a gay vibe. He texted me today with a plan for our next date saying, “We’ll go to the spa and get mani/pedis and then we’ll go home and have sex and then we’ll go shopping and get you all dressed up and then we’ll go to Book of Mormon and then we’ll go to a fabulous dinner.” LOL. Like, can’t complain there!
But you “date” more than one SD at once, right?
When I first signed up I was really ‘girl next door’ about it and would only talk to one person at a time. But you kill so much time that way. It’s not like I’m trying to have five guys at once–I’m too lazy for that. Ideally I would just have one reliable guy. But these guys are so unpredictable and flaky. Like for example I had this one guy who was amazing. We met a total of four times and we never had sex–we’d just have dinner or get drinks–but every time we met he’d give me a thousand dollars in an envelope.
Wait, why didn’t you have sex?
Because he did but he was, like, getting to know me or whatever.
Yeah. So the first meeting we just met for drinks and then he had to go back to work, but he handed me an envelope. The standard for a non-sex meeting is usually around $200 to $250. I’m not saying the majority of guys do that, but if they want to show you that they’re serious about being a sugar daddy, and that they’re capable, they usually give you a gift. So anyway that’s what I expected, and then I looked in the envelope and saw a grand and was like OMG.
That’s insane. Was he good looking?
Yeah! He was really cute. He wasn’t my type but he was like 35, 6’2, blond hair, Tom Ford suit, nice glasses. He was totally someone I could take out and not be embarrassed by. He wasn’t “cool,” like he doesn’t work at Vice or whatever, but he was fine.
He wasn’t alt.
Defs not alt. But I was really pumped on it going somewhere. So we went on four dates and every time it was a thousand dollars, and then on the last date we made out and he was like, “I’m really happy I met you,” but then I just never heard from him again.
That’s so weird. Do you think he found another girl?
Who knows. That’s what I mean, these guys are so flaky. Maybe he was married. If he found another girl that would have been totally fine. The thing about these kinds of relationships is that they’re so direct and honest–you’re basically a commodity, so guys can just tell you if they don’t want to see you anymore and it’s not a big deal–which is why I was so confused when he disappeared with no explanation at all.
This seems like it’s a huge part of your life. To what extent do you keep it a secret? Do your friends and parents know what you do?
Most of my friends do. I have no filter! Especially when I’m blacked-out, lol. I always end up telling most of the guys I’m dating in my “real life” about my job too, which is probably why I haven’t had a boyfriend in a couple years. I would really like to find someone to date who didn’t mind my work though, and for the right person I would probably be willing to work less. Also, my parents know what I do because my sister told them. Afterward I got a call from my dad. He literally said, “Hey honey, I heard you’re turning tricks.”
Well, they care, but they’re hippies, so they’re sort of ok with it. Once my dad was really low on cash and struggling to pay his bills, and I was home visiting him and felt really bad. So I went on the site and this guy was offering me $1,000 for a blow job, so he picked me up and I sucked him off and was back like 30 min later, and just handed my dad the cash. He started crying actually, he couldn’t really deal. But he was also like, “What the fuck, you were only gone half an hour!” He could NOT believe anyone would pay me that much. I was like, “Uhh… Dad, that’s actually weirdly insulting.”
That’s so awkward, we need to move on. So do you ever sleep with other escorts, like in an American Psycho threesome sort of way, but without the chainsaw?
Yeah, actually I have one client who only sleeps with more than woman at a time, so with him I only do threesomes. He always brings the other girl and gives us each $700, and the whole thing takes about an hour. He’s so sweet, I love him. He grew up in a really poor family, so it’s a rags to riches story.
Do you like the threesomes?
Well threesomes are cool because you only have to do half the work. But there’s a bit more pressure, especially because I never know what the other girl’s going to look like, and I’m always nervous she’s going to hate me. I have more confidence with wooing men than I do women. I can’t tell if a girl is thinking, “I can’t wait for this to be over.” I guess it’s an insecurity thing.
Do clients ever want you to do really kinky shit?
I recently had this one client who’s an amazing Austrian guy, early thirties, a top surgeon, speaks five languages, and he was staying at the Ritz and we would go for really nice dinners. The sex with him was really weird and perverted and hot. He’s really into lactation. He was like, “You might be a little young but maybe three years from now, if you work on it and milk your tits, you’ll be able to lactate.” And he’d always be working my tits. One time he was lying in bed, completely naked with a boner and a pillow on top of his face, and he was like, “This is my newest fetish,” and I got on top of him and was fucking him while suffocating him. It was just fun, adventurous, interesting sex.
But I’m semi confused because for the guys it’s like—you’re good-looking, you’re successful, you’re rich, so why can’t you just fuck someone without having to pay them? Are they just awful people?
No, they’re usually fine. They’re just too busy. And they have standards. It’s hard to just meet someone at a bar who’s hot and smart and who you can have an interesting conversation with, who also wants to fuck you on the first night.
And they know they will find hot and smart girls on an SD site?
Well they can read your profile. If your profile is written well and witty and your photos are hot, that’s a good start.
So how much money do you make per month?
It’s so month-to-month. But I had one arrangement that was 7.5K a month just from one guy.
Really? Do you have a huge savings?
No, I have zero savings! You think it’s so much money until you have it. I think my biggest problem was that I felt almost guilty about how much money I had, since my friends are obviously all young and poor, so I would just pay for everything. Also I had just moved to New York so I was going out every night until 4am, and basically paying for everyone. And my apartment was $2350 a month. That was part of the deal–he was married so he wanted me to have my own place and he asked that it be within four stops of Grand Central.
How long did that arrangement last?
Four months, and he told me it would last that long right from the beginning, which was cool.
So has whoredom been a pretty positive experience throughout, or has there ever been times when you felt used or in danger or whatev?
That’s so subjective, if you’re asking me that versus another sugar baby, you’re going to get very different answers. One of my closest friends signed up and was getting slimy messages and was not really into it, but it takes a lot for me to be shocked or grossed out. Also I sort of get off on the riskiness of it. I genuinely love my job.
Would there be a reason that you would say no to sleeping with a client?
No. The only time I walked out of a meeting was when an agency sent me somewhere really shady–like a drug den, and not the baller swag type of drug den.
Do you have personal rules for yourself?
Always use condoms, I always meet SDs in public before going to their houses.
What would you say is the best part of the job, besides the money?
You get to meet people outside of your social circle, which I like. And also this job has led me to discover that there is a silver lining to everyone. There are guys I go on dates with who in “real life” I wouldn’t look twice at, but when I’m forced to sit down and talk to them, I always find something endearing about their personality. Like maybe the guy know tons about the soil in Argentina and how it affects the climate… I can get down with that, I can take home some trivia.
So basically being a whore makes you rich and smart.
Totally. Or at least I know way more about the stock market than most 23-year-old girls living in Brooklyn.
Once in a while I’ll enlist a friend of mine to act as a “guest expert” and answer some of my Ask Slutever questions for me. This is usually because I’m either too busy, or too lazy, or sometimes literally just because I don’t feel like doing it myself. No offense, but after a while I get bored of reading though essentially the same emails over and over–“Why doesn’t my boyfriend want to have sex with me anymore?” … “How should I shave my pubes?” … “Is my clit an idiot?” It’s like, for fuck’s sake, don’t any of you have any real life friends who you can ask this stuff? GOD.
No, I’m kidding. Please keep sending me questions, I love it. It makes me feel popular.
Anyway, for this installment of Ask Slutever the guest expert is…. wait for it… an escort! Yay! Because really, who better to answer all of your sex and dating questions than a professional? This particular prostitute happens to be a close friend of mine, and I think she gave some really great and useful advice, so please, open your ears, legs and mind and learn a thing or two!
So BASICALLY I’ve kind of agreed to have a threesome with these two guys who messaged me over an online dating site. We’re gonna book a hotel room and then… do it. But the thing is, I’ve never even been on an online date before because I get kinda nervous and have panic attacks. But I really want to have a threesome with two guys, and they look really hot in a mean teenage boy way (but they’re in their twenties and I’m twenty, so its OK?). Anyway, my pictures on my profile are mostly of my face, but not of my body, which is very curvy, like I have GG boobs and a small belly too (what a drag), and I’m afraid I’ll look like a beast in real life. I plan to get really drunk and high beforehand, but when I add all the elements of this story together they begin to sound dodgy. Should I do this or what? Help? Tamara
You pretty much nailed it when you said it got “dodgy” when you put all the elements together. A few of the elements are fun things: online dating, getting really drunk, getting really high, having threesomes, having sex with strangers. A few are bad things: misleading profile pictures, panic attacks. The combination of all these elements is dangerous, and that’s coming from a prostitute writing from a plane, on her way to another state to have sex with a stranger. The difference is that I’ve worked my way up to this. I know myself, my limits, and how to be (at least relatively) safe about it. Also, I’m not shitfaced.
You’re putting a lot on your plate right now. You’ve never even been on an online date because that gives you panic attacks–baaaaabe, why would getting naked with two hot strangers (who maybe don’t know what you actually look like) make you any less panic attack-y? Because you’re going to obliterate yourself beforehand? I’m not saying you shouldn’t mix booze and threesomes, but I am saying you shouldn’t turn up to any kind of first-meet wasted. It’s not, as Karley would say, “glamorous.” I’m all about a shot at the hotel bar to take the edge off, but don’t get carried away.
OK, I’m going to try to break this down for you, so that you can eventually have a threesome, but it definitely shouldn’t happen next Tuesday or whenever you’ve currently got scheduled. You need to build up to this, so that you don’t end up having some naked dude stab you with an EpiPen mid-fun. Or even worse, end up having a shit night that results in you never wanting to have a threesome again! Here goes:
First, you need to do some OkCupiding. If you can’t handle that, you can’t handle this. First, you have to get some clear pics up. Ask a dude friend to approve your selection. I have no idea what you look like, so it’s pointless for me to try to tell you whether or not you’re a “beast” in real life. All I can say is that I’ve met dudes who didn’t look like their profiles, and it automatically put me in a bad mood. False adverting is not cool. Before you even get to know this person, they’ve already lied to you! Not a sexy start.
Next, you need to arrange to go on dates with some guys who aren’t total babes–just nice, funny dudes who won’t intimidate you. I used to get sooo worked up meeting new guys off the internet, for the exact same reason. But I kept it low key, and friendly vs. flirty, so that worst case I could act like I was just looking for friends if I got reject vibes. After a handful of dates you’ll know what you’re working with, and won’t get all sweaty walking into new territory. From there, ring these hot teenagers up and tell them you’re ready to rumble. But if I were you I’d plan to meet for a drink somewhere public first. Remember, I said walking into the date drunk was sloppy, but if you’re all on the same level, it’s totally fine. (Just keep an eye out for roofies.) Have fun! xoxo A Whore
I’m a 20 year old transwoman. I act in porn, and though it’s clearly awesome getting paid to get fucked, my issue is when I’m supposed to bring this up to someone I’m into. If I say it too early I come off like a total crazy slut, but if I wait to tell them I’m a lying bitch who hides her life. Please help! Alex
There’s no easy answer here. I’m obviously also in the sex industry, so while I don’t have experience with the trans issue, I’m all too aware of the ‘lying vs. not lying about your job to get a date’ dilemma. I’ve experimented with various approaches, and none are ideal. For about a year I decided honesty was the only way for me. I’d go on OkCupid dates and answer “escort” when they asked me what I was doing for a living. I considered it a good filter, because I didn’t want to date anyone who couldn’t accept me for me. Some turned into second dates, some didn’t. The ones that did appreciated my honesty, but fizzled out quickly. They probably thought I was edgy, interesting, and a good story for their friends, but ultimately not girlfriend material. I dated one friend who claimed he didn’t care, but several weeks in jealousy took over and we were back in the friends zone.
I guess I’m not telling you anything new here. You’ve likely experienced similar scenarios. I guess it all boils down to what’s most important to you right now: being in a committed relationship, or being honest with the person you care about. Right now I’m experimenting with the ‘two separate lives’ theory. Thinking of myself as one entity, and my escort persona as another. I’m not saying it’s the right choice, but it’s the one I’m going with for now. An escort is what I am, not who I am. You may be a porn slut, but you’re probably a whole lot more than that too. And while lying sucks, so does having assumptions made about you based on cliches. So do want you gotta do, but realize that this industry is always going to limit your personal life in one way or another, whether it means lying to good people, or giving them up because they don’t want a slice of chaos. xoxo A Whore
Hi, I’m 25 and admittedly pretty slutty. Last time I counted I was at around 60 guys and that’s full-fledged penis into vagina sex sex. I don’t have issues with my “liberated” sexuality, but I sometimes think there are cases where I shouldn’t have gone there, said no, or at least stopped the action at playful touching. I get frustrated because I see these girls who have tons of cool/hot/talented male friends around them, and I can tell they’re obviously grooming these men for if/when they finally want them in their lives. I don’t have these guys in my life because, well, I’ve already fucked them all, and that bums me out! I know it’s because I usually go straight to sex–meet a hot guy while wasted at a bar, go to bed with him within a couple hours. It’s fucking fun, and maybe a bit of a weird sex addiction type thing, as well as possibly a self-confidence issue (although a crazy one because I know I’m a babe and obviously have no problem getting guys). But basically, what’s your advice on how to say no to a guy, even if you’re attracted to him? What are ways that would be both mentally and physically fulfilling without coming off as a tease? I like to flirt and have guys come on to me constantly, as I’m sure you do too. I know these guys only have sex on the brain, so how can I please them without giving them the full vaginal glory, and keep them on the hook to become friends, or even something more meaningful? KP
I’m in this boat, and know lots of hot ladies in the same boat. It’s called validation issues–needing to fuck strangers to have it repeatedly confirmed that you are a babe. While we know it, the evidence we list is always based on how many dudes we’ve pulled, or how quickly we can get laid – not checkpoints which actually indicate self confidence.
At some point the sex with random dudes should get boring, and you’ll look for a way to spice up your active, yet unfulfilling sex life. That spice will be making not the boys, but yourself wait. Seriously, try it, it’s awesome. It’s obviously really fun to spontaneously fuck guys, but that amount of fun doubles each time you see the guy and hold off. There really is a pot of gold sitting the end of the abstinence rainbow. I’m still not skilled at it–I think my max was like 3 dates before sex–but that was glorious. I can only imagine what euphoria prudes must experience!
My best advice is to schedule dates at the start of your period. That gives you at least a week of hang-time. Unless you’re into crime scene sex, in which case, I dunno… maybe stop shaving your legs or armpits or something? Just figure out the thing that makes you be all “nobody is getting up in this tonight,” and make sure that thing is going on during your date.
As far as holding out until sex is more “meaningful,” well slutever.com may not the right place to learn how not to be a slut, but it will teach you how to be a happier slut :) xoxo A Whore
What’s it like being a chick in the Big Apple? Sex and the City made a great effort to tackle this complicated question some fifteen years ago now. More recently, Girls has taken up the cause. However, if you’ve seen both of those shows and you still don’t feel like you’ve got enough info about what life is like as a vagina-clad human being living in NYC, then you should check out the e-book GIRLS?, recently published by Thought Catalog.
GIRLS? is a collection of thirteen funny, scary, sexy and strange essays from thirteen of New York’s great lady writers, all telling tales of life in the city. The lovely lady contributors include: Marie Calloway, Rachel Rabbit White, Liz Colville, Leigh Alexander, Chloe Caldwell, Molly Oswaks, Karina Briski, Mila Jaroniec, Claire Mott aka No Sex City, Eudora Peterson, Stephanie White, Stephanie Georgopulos, and (most importantly) ME!
Below is an except from my essay:
“She was chugging a Diet Coke and plucking her eyebrows, her pupils dilated to the appropriate size of someone on 20mg of Adderall. I sat staring at her thoughtfully, stroking my chin for dramatic effect. Could I actually go through with it?, I silently pondered. I thought about what my mother would think if she ever found out. But then I got distracted and started thinking about how cool Catherine Deneuve’s hair looks in Belle Du Jour and considered whether I could pull off a similar style. Then I daydreamed abstractly about that scene in True Romance where Patricia Arquette and Christian Slater are wrapped in blankets, sitting in front of that billboard–she’s crying, confessing to him that she’s a call girl, and he’s being his sweet, easygoing self and telling her he doesn’t care, and then they say “I love you” for the first time. God… I love that movie.”
You can find the e-book HERE!