Tag: advice

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Ask Slutever: I’m a High School Student Fucking my Teacher

I’m a senior in high school, and I’m having an extremely inappropriate relationship with the boys’ soccer coach at my school. It’s been going on for 3 years now. A few weeks ago he told me that he loved me, and I just really have no idea what to say or do. He means a lot to me, but he’s a 27-year-old man and I’m 17. He has a wife and I have a boyfriend. He told me that he would leave his wife for me, but I never thought it would get to this point. I don’t want to end what we have because he does what I like sexually. My actual boyfriend refuses to do what I want in the bedroom because he doesn’t want to hurt me, but Coach is into the same stuff as me and the sneaking around makes it fun. If you have any advice I could really use it. Kate

First off, I’ll say that you seen very mature and self-confident for your age, which is such a cool thing. Secondly, I’ll say that your relationship with Coach is “inappropriate” from his end, not yours, and that you shouldn’t feel any shame about anything that’s happened. Also… well, maybe I should preface all of this by saying that I’m probably not the person to give you the most motherly or morally-sound advice… but you did ask me for help, so I’m going to tell you what I honestly think.

Despite you clearly being very smart and independent, what you might not understand now is that Coach is probably a pretty big loser. Any married adult who starts sleeping with a student at the school where he works, starting when she’s 14, can’t be too impressive of a person. I promise, when you’re older you will look back on this and laugh—it will be a great drunken anecdote—but you will also realize how tragic coach is, especially when you’re grown up and successful and even cooler and smarter than you are now.

When I was 16, I was sleeping with this 27-year-old guy—not my teacher, just a guy from my town. I loved fucking him. It felt so cool to be sleeping with someone so much older than me, and I loved that he was so sexually experienced, that he’d traveled, that we could have conversations that were far more interesting than the one’s I was having with the guys in my class, that he had chest hair (lol), etc.. We had sex for about a year. I had a lot of sexual “firsts” with him, and I was definitely more sexually confident, and just generally better at sex, after I met him. However, even though I don’t regret what happened at all, looking back on that relationship now, I’m like “Oh my god lol, that guy was such a loser.” I couldn’t see it at the time, because I felt very adult and on the same level with him, but in hindsight I know that I was still a child in a lot of ways, and under the age of consent, and that he was an idiot for sleeping with me.

I know you don’t want your relationship with Coach to end. However, it does feel like it might be coming to a breaking point. For one, he seems a bit delusional—like, he’s going to leave his wife for you?! How does he realistically think that’s going to work? Not only would he be fired if people found out that you were together, but he would also likely go to jail. He is the adult in this situation, and he should have been the responsible and not slept with you. This wasn’t your mistake, it was his. However, even though he’s the adult in this situation, it seems that you’re the only who’s acting like one.

This is a tricky situation. It might not be a good idea to continue seeing him if he’s threatening to leave his wife, which makes me think he could be a bit unhinged. Of course, he could just be talking shit to try and be romantic. You’re smart, so you have to ask yourself some serious questions: Do you always feel safe with coach? Do you think that if you stopped the relationship he would get so upset and could do something harmful to you? You’re the only one who can answer these questions. I think it’s valid if you want to keep your history with him a secret. However, if you ever feel at all that he could do something to hurt you, then you have to tell your parents and/or your school immediately.

Believe me, Coach is definitely not someone you want to be in a serious relationship with, and he’s also not the only guy in the world who can give you the sex you want. You’re clearly sexually progressive and experienced. Go out and find a new guy who fucks you like you want to be fucked. He can be older than you, he just shouldn’t be your teacher! (Although until you turn 18 I’d refrain from fucking someone too much older, because of annoying legal reasons.)

xoxo Karley

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Ask Slutever: Lesbian Porn, and Myths about Female Intimacy

By Karley Sciortino //

I’m a straight, 35-year-old mother of two, and I’ve been plagued with a question that I find rather confusing. So, lesbians use dildoes, toys, etc. It’s erotic, toys makes you come faster, and you get orgasms one after the other—great, right? But where is the intimacy? The sex is erotic, and more orgasms, I get it, but in terms of actually making love, where is the passion? Don’t you need a balance? How do lesbians make love with meaningful intensity? I’m an avid porn watcher and recently my husband wanted to watch lesbian porn. I watched too, and it was interesting, however I wondered about the intimacy level. I suppose gays can hold each other and kiss whilst making love, and straight people can use a dildo, which kind of makes this questionable. I am not being offensive, I am just really curious. Annabel

As someone who’s had serious relationships with both men and women, I feel very adept at answering this question. (Like sometimes I’m realistically just taking a stab in the dark, ya know? But this one I got.) First of all, I need to stress that lesbian porn has nothing to do with how two women actually have sex! Like at all. 99% of the time, lesbian porn is a fantasy scenario created for straight men, where feminine, mostly-heterosexual women are touching and licking each other in a way that displays their bodies for a male audience. Believe me, in the “real world” it’s not normal for two college roommates to spend their afternoons in full makeup and thigh-highs, using a double-ended dildo on the kitchen floor and then fucking each other with their high heels… or whatever. Lesbian sex can be equally as loving, intense and transcendent—and equally as disappointing and detached—as straight sex.

I’m kind of amazed, sort of in a good way, that you asked this question, because I feel like the stereotype of lesbian sex tends to be the exact opposite of this. When people think of two girls banging, they tend to think of something really romantic, slow, sensual—basically, “feelings-ey”—because, unlike men, women are reductively thought to be “super emotional” and to need a deep connection with someone in order to enjoy sex with them. Whereas straight sex is known to range from incredibly loving, to kinky, to boring, to blacked-out Tinder hook-ups. Since I’ve been with my girlfriend, I often feel I have to fight to be like, “Hey, we can be disgusting and dirty too!” Maybe you should watch Blue is the Warmest Color, because there’s a few very intense lesbian sex scenes in that movie that are very passionate, loving and hot, and don’t involve toys at all (or, there’s no toys as far as I can remember). Also, the Chilean movie Young and Wild, about a bisexual sex blogger, has some very realistic lesbian sex in it.

Also, not all lesbians use toys. My girlfriend and I hardly ever use them. Maybe 40% of the time I use a vibrator, but that ratio is about the same as when I’m having sex with men. We’ve used a strap-on like 4 times ever in almost 3 years, and every time we use it I’m just loling to myself about the fact that we’re using a giant plastic purple fake dick.

But all of this is kind of beside the point, because the use of sex toys doesn’t determine whether a sexual experience is intimate or not. Intimacy is certainly not about toys, and it’s about a lot more than just sex— it’s about connecting with another person on an emotional level. Sure, a vibrator can help you cum, but the cumming is really secondary to the closeness you feel for your partner anyway. And yes, as you put it: “gays can hold each other and kiss whilst making love.” Lol, duh! Gay people are just people—shock, horror!—and gay sex is just sex.

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Vital Information: 15 Surprising Facts about SEX

By Karley Sciortino /

Knowing facts is good, because it gives you something to say to people. Also, studies show that being knowledgable about sex makes you 67% more bangable. (J/K, I made that up, but I’m sure it’s probably true-ish.) Below are 15 real, weird, cute, scary and amazing facts about sex that I learned on the internet recently!

Continue reading “Vital Information: 15 Surprising Facts about SEX”

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Ask Slutever: Help! I Can’t Stop Faking It!

Photo by Stephen Shore

Help! I’m a liar! I’ve had a casual on/off sex relationship with this guy for over a year and it’s always been really laid back and easy: when we find ourselves in the same place we have sex 24/7 till one of us leaves town. Recently, though, things have been getting more emotional and I’ve been having feelings beyond just sexual attraction. I want to try dating him, but there is one big thing holding me back: when we first hooked up I faked orgasms and still do. Continue reading “Ask Slutever: Help! I Can’t Stop Faking It!”

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Slutever’s 5 Recommendations for Life

e8b3d7deb68d42eefc434b199513919c8a9ccc9dPhoto by Petra Collins, from our short film Crimson Crusade :)
 

I’m making this a regular thing! Below are 5 pieces of internet that I believe will make you a smarter, cooler, happier, more date-able person. You’re welcome :)

1. Appropriate Behavior movie

OMG you have to watch this, it’s so lolz. It’s a new movie written, directed by and starring Desiree Akhavan, who seems to be one of the coolest girls on the planet. My mission for 2015 is to make her my friend. The film is about a girl in her 20s in Brooklyn, who’s having relationship problems with her girlfriend, and who’s having trouble coming clean to her strict religious parents that she’s bisexual. Uh, hello, I RELATE TO THIS STORY! It’s now available on Amazon instant watch, yay! Rent it HERE NOW :)

2. Emma Watson’s UN speech

Has everyone already seen this? I feel like most of you probably have, but it’s just SO good, and even if you’ve already seen it, it’s probably worth a second watch. If you’ve been living in a void, last fall Emma Watson gave an incredibly moving speech at the UN about gender equality and feminism. Emma’s so badass. 

3. The Colorines band

The Colorines band

This is my favorite band! They’re a new band from upstate New York. I’ve had the song from the above video in my head for like a month. Below is their new EP, Fossil Fumes–my favorite songs from it are “Weirdo” and “Why Me?” and “Never Wanna Die.” If you want to buy their EP, or listen to their previous music, you can do that on the band’s website.

4. Amy Webb’s Ted Talk about online dating

This is one of my favorite Ted talks ever. If you think you’re a freak or an obsessive when it comes to online dating, well, you have nothing on this woman. In this talk, Amy Webb tells the story of how she hacked online dating by basically creating a personal algorithm to find herself a boyfriend.

5. 032c’s Interview with Vogue editor Sally Singer

Vogue-Sally-Singer

Sally Singer’s the best! She’s one of the most intelligent and stylish power women around, and she’s one of my editors at Vogue! I recently read this interview she did back in 2007 with the magazine 032c, and thought it was really interesting, and figured you might, too :) She talks about everything from what it means to “be Vogue,” to Warhol, to the fleeting nature of fashion. Read it HERE!

p.s. If you liked this post, check out my last recommendations post here :)